The past The present The future

The past - unforgettable (and I've really been trying to)
The present - unreachable
The future - unthinkable

Forgive me father, for I've sinned.

"The desire within The pallor of your skin The spell of evil Sin"

"The desire within 

The pallor of your skin

The spell of evil Sin"

Knock.

- Knock, Knock!!
- Who is there?
- Depression.
- Oh, Hi, how are you? Came in, came in! Do you want a cup of tea? Cookies?

Knock Knock

- Knock Knock!!
- Who's there?
- Depression.
- Oh, dear, please came in. Make yourself at home. I'm just going out to get some drinks with friends. ;)

My IQ

Quick IQ Test

You have reached 15 points and your IQ is: 129

IQ Score Table Points Level IQ Range Description 20 Genius 140+ You are probably a genius. 16 - 19 Gifted 130 - 139 You have a unique imagination and logical mind. 10 - 15 Above average 115 - 129 You have a good imagination and logical mind. 6 - 9 Higher average 102 - 114 You have an average imagination and logical mind. 3 - 5 Lower average 90 - 101 0 - 2 Below average 70 - 89 You have a below average imagination and logical mind.

Lets see what is new.

So, for news, I can say that I've:
Quit smoking.
 Been missing a lot of people.
 Been a vegetarian for the last month.
 Been a vegan for the last week or so. (found out no eggs mayo! *.*)
 Been doing exercise.
 Started Zen meditation (still figuring it out).
 Entered an Ecological group on my uni academic association.
 Started to take latin classes.
 Been studying a lot.
 Been very naughty :D

 I'm loving uni. Not really the uni part, or the people part, just the discover yourself part.
 Those are the years to change my life, forever. And I'm happy about it. :)

Academia

Era uma vez uma Serenata, um Cortejo, um Batismo e uma Latada.
- com (GM) Helena Pimenta e (GF) Hugo Bigorna.
Serenata. Debaixo da capa da Madrinha. Convivo de Arquitectura. Dormir em casa do Renato.
Cortejo. Diabo-Auto da Barca do Inferno. Foto de família.
Batismo. No Mondego, janta com a Madrinha.
Latada. Comer ruivo da P. Comer ruivo de Boston.

 Bem-vindo á vida na academia.

Finding out the truth...

Rowenna: "Can't believe you and joe got together!! That was bloodeh quick!"
 Really don't have much to say about it...
Joe got a girlfriend, Fi.
 Being betrayed feels very wrong.
 Why shit has to happen?
Many questions...
Trying not to think it over.

Updating

Hello folks!
What's up?
It has been a long time since I last wrote in here.
Let's update?
 Au-pairing in Germany is over.
The experience of parenthood was awesome.
Now I know a lot more about what means to be a couple and to have children.
I miss them all very much. And every time I see kids their ages, I remember them and smile. They are part of my past, part of me. With friends its the same thing. I miss everybody so much.
 I remember before doing this gap year, to feel saudades, and to think that it hurted a lot. Shit, that was a broken nail in comparison with the heart that is being pulled away from me every heartbeat that I'm away from them.
A couple of days ago, while showering, I became to know that one day, when I'm old, and everybody is gone, I'm going, literally, die from saudades. And it hurts hurts hurts. And I cry cry cry, remembering everybody in Friedrichshafen.
 I know that, that is life, that is how it works, how it is, nothing can be done.
You learn, you teach, you share and you miss.
And when you miss, it hurts.
And because of all that hurting, coming not only from all these saudades, I've been keeping myself occupied, but it is not easy not to think.
 One of those days, Jesse told me "...but I've been feeling... emotionally confused somehow. Shades and glimpses of different feelings that I have trouble giving names to..."
 In my case, I can name a few. Saudade. Inveja. Tristeza. Confusão.
 I even started to have those paraphernalia of thoughts that I used to have. Depression knocking on the door, and my saying "la la la, I can't hear you".

Não tenho vontadinha nenhuma de ser.

What one learns:

What one teaches: Taís: Querer apenas o que é necessário. Danilo: Não sei, só sei que foi assim. Hemant: Don't expect from people. Benny: Never be bored, life is awesome, don't miss it. Daniel: Pensa se isso interessa primeiro? Não? Então caga.

The world changes at every passing second.

That's it. You kinda pass from dead tired, to dead drunk, to dead happy, to dead in love, to dead you don't know what. Birmingham awaits me!!!

Helsinki - Finland

So, I should up-date my blog, because if I don't, whats the point of having it? Does two last week I was in Helsinki with my GastGFamilie. Worked very little, and everyday I had free time. Before leaving, I made a Challenge: - No pc, no net, no washing machine. I also talked to a few people on CouchSurfing, and connected with them later on by cell phone in Helsinki. Im glad tht I did not bring my computer, nor used my cell phone to go into the internet, because that made me go out of the house every single time that I was free, and because of that, I meet Roni and Jesse, the CouchSurfers that went along with me for those two week. They are very different people, although they also like metal music. They are so interesting in so many different ways. First, I met Roni, we walked around the city, he showed me most of the classical sights in Helsinki, and some not so classic, but also very pleasent. He likes board games, like Dominion. Than I met Jesse, and we talked about finnish people, and Finland, and finnish speaking, and a shit load of things. Destiny or not, they live right across the street from eachother, in Kalio area. At the end, I ended up having sex with Jesse, going down, cross the stree, going up, and having sex with Roni. They are very different in sex, but I like it the Finnish way! I lived in Hertoniem (GastFamilie) and Myllypuro (Frieda - GastFamilie Friend). They were really nice with me at Frieda's place, and I had my own loft, privet bathroom, different entrence, my own key. Could it been better? I ate some traditional finnish food, and did you know that they have an island just for the zoo? And that they have their own saun at home? Everybody! And that they do not have a tube/duch washbasin/sink? The water goes straight to the floor, into a wastepipe, and the floor is tilted. And that they do not have a bidet? Instead, they have a mini duchhandle on the side of the toillete, so you can clean yourself with water! I thought it was to clean the bathroom sinks! Nuts! Oh, and it get morning at 5am, and night only comes at 23pm (at least while I was there). It was really a cool experience. And one day I went to Tallinn, capital city of Estonia, and made a lip piercing there.

News, news, news.

Oh, just one more thing, or two, or three.
I have a black bike, that as saved me a lot!
I0m going to Finland this next month.
And I just submited my UK university application.

April macht was er will,

"April does what it wants!"
And thats how aprils is!
First Stuttgart, than Benjamin and Konstanz, than Köln, and after Tübingen and Paris, now Amsterdam. Only with 300€ per month, and I was able to do all of that!
Gosh, did I get crazy or something?

Xperia

Oh, by the way, I just got a new cell phone, Sony Ericsson Xperia X10.
And I don't have a clue how does it works! lol

Amsterdam - Netherlands

13.04 - 15.04.2012
Vish Maria!
Don't question yourself if you should or not, just go, just do it, just feel it, let Amsterdam enter your inner self, and be it.

German class

Today was my first german class at VHS-FN (Deutsch für Späteinsteiger, Grundstufe 1 - Intensiver Kleingruppenkurs, Teil 1).
The class started at 18h and it was 17h30 and I was still recycling some bottles and papers, of course that I would be very late, but all of a sudden, my interesting pretty young neighbour showed up in is Mercedes, and I asked him if he could give me a ride to the city, and so he did. He is Patrick and he likes metal music (too. of corse). In the class, there was Luís, and he also offered to give me a ride back home.
Now Taís is going to lend me her german Scritte Plus 1 A1/1 book!

Why couldn't I have a 8h to 17h job?

My schedules are always changing... She just comes and says: "Can you bring your agenda for ur to discuss your new schedules?"
And it goes like:

Monday: 8h-12h: Lumi. 12h-13h: Pick the kids. 13h-14h: Lunch. 14h-17h: Stay with the kids and pretend that I like them. 17h-18h: Dinner. 18h-19h30: German class.

Tuesday: 8h-12h: Lumi. 12h-13h: Pick the kids. 13h-14h: Lunch. 14h-17h: Stay with the kids and pretend that I like them. 17h30-18h30: Dinner. 18h30-19h30: Clean the kitchen.

Wednesday: 12h-13h: Pick the kids. 13h-14h: Lunch. 4h-17h: Stay with the kids and pretend that I like them. 17h30-18h30: Dinner. 18h30-19h30: Clean the kitchen. 19h30: Put the kids to sleep and stay with them because the couple is going to have some romantic dinners...

Thursday: 12h-13h: Pick the kids. 13h-14h: Lunch. 4h-17h: Stay with the kids and pretend that I like them. 17h30-18h30: Dinner. 18h30-19h30: Clean the kitchen. 19h30: Put the kids to sleep and stay with them because the couple is going to have some romantic dinners...

Friday: 8h-12h: Lumi. 12h-13h: Pick the kids. 13h-14h: Lunch. 14h-16h: Portuguese speaking group. 16h-17h: Stay with the kids and pretend that I like them. 17h-18h: Dinner. 18h-19h30: German class.

Saturday: From 8h to 15h: Stay with the kids and pretend that I like them.

Sunday: Eventually I might be needed.

Obs: You can not touch your computer during the work time. You work around 7h a day.
You should play more with them, not just watch them.
You should vaccumm clean the entire house everyday, and whype the floor everyother day.
You should tell when, where, why, whom, how, when you want to go out.

7h? She does not knows how to count... I get up at 7h30 and work untill I go to bed, around 20h00...
Why couldn't I have a 8h to 17h job?

Paris - France + Tübingen - Deutschland

J'alle a Paris.
Last weekend I went to Paris, like a crazy girl, alone, to meet unknown people, and spend a lot of hours alone and lost.
On friday, I got bus at 15h30 in Friedrichshafen to Konstanz to meet my ride to Tübingen.
Left Konstanz at 17h20 to Tübingen. Than waited there 4h for the bus to Paris, at 22h45. All alone. Decided to walk around to know a little of the city, but soon was night, dark and cold, on a unknown place... That is when I heard some rock music coming from a bar.
"What do I have to loose? Lets get inside!"
The bar was called The Last Resort, and it was very nice. The barman, Erik, was very gentle and talked to me all the while untill I had to leave, and 5 min before that, he offered me a shot of vodka! The other barman was very nice too, always smiling at me. Im going to Tübingen again this weekend, and I'm going to that bar again!
Well, than it was Paris. I met Selcuk, from couchsurfing and he showed me Paris for the Saturday. What did I saw? Almost everything. Famous cemitery Pére Lachaise, the Opera Bastie, Notre-dame, Jardin de Luxemburg, Les pounts, Louvre, La Opera Garnier, Les grands Boulevards, Le Jardin des Tuileries, Place de la Concorde, La avenue des Champs-Elysée, Arc de Troimphe, La Défense et le Grande Arc, La Tour Eiffel, Le Moulin Rouge, La Basilique de Sacré-Couer... Selcuk was really the best thing that could have happened to me in Paris. We even had time to enjoy the sun, relax, eat crepes, eat ice cream, shop... At the end of the day, around 20h30, I had to came back to Tübingen.
At 7am I was in Tübingen, and spent another 7h there alone waiting for my ride back to Konstanz. My ride had her car full, and they didn't bother to speak in english, so I didn't bother to sleep...
On Sunday 17h30 I got home.
Now tell me who tha fuck is going to marry me like this? Im nuts!

I should talk about...

Benjamin!
For a German, things are going pretty well between us!
He is frendly, talktive, laughs at my jokes (wich is something really important for me). He basicaly can handle me, and thats unique!
So since we have this thing toughether, I went to Konsstanz on wednesday and on thursday, and man, I can tell you, having sex in the table of the Sociology Club Room of the Unisersitat of Konstanz was one of the greatest things that happened to me in Germany.
And as it begun, it endend. Im not gonna see him until June, Im gonna leave to Portugal on July (hopefuly), and he is going to Istambul on September...

Vacation...

So, from Friday 30 Mars to Monday 9 April, I have a week free, but it seems like they don't understand what giving a week free means.
It's bad weather to be traveling, so I'm staying at home, but, even so, they should not use me, because I'm on vacation. This week I should not clean anything, do anything, they should just ignore me.
But no, they are sleeping and doing nothing, and I'm doing my things, planing them on my computer, and they came saying for I to go to the Super Markt by yogurt when its raining frogs outside. They come and want me to bild a lego castle. To put the washing machine to work.
And after I do all of that, they just fucking kill my-self and my brain by saying that I didn't do it right... That everything is all wrong. I just want to scream "THAN YOU FUCKING DO IT!" but I can't.
Still wondering how someone gets depressed for being an Au-pair?

Köln - Deutschland

30.03.2012 to 01.04.2012
It was nice.

Sunset

To watch the sunset with Benjamin was one of the best thing that could have happened to me in Germany.

Vida na Friedricolandia

Amigos felizes a ver o pôr-do-sol a beira do lago, com guitarras e uma fogueira.
E assim se é feliz na Friedricolandia.

O Diário de uma Au-pair

Quando te apercebes que te apaixonas-te por um nativo, e que quando voltares para o teu país nunca mais vais ver os seus cristalinos olhos azuis, pior ainda, quando te apercebes que ele está a mudar de cidade dois dias depois, e que ao final de três meses vai também emigrar...
É assim a vida na Friedricolandia!

Chronology

1990 - Helena Isabel Abrantes Bidarra was born.
1991 - First ear piercing.
1992 - Start walking.
1993 - Start talking well.
1994 - Why's age.
1995 - Kindergarten.
1996 - School.
1997 - Brother was born.
1998 - Start wearing glasses.
1999 - Start bitting nails.
2000 - Change school.
2001 - First menstruation.
2002 - First kiss.
2003 - First boy friend. More ear piercings.
2004 - First sexual experiment. First dread.
2005 - First time smoking weed. More dreads.
2006 - Depression. Black hair.
2007 - First time smoking cocain. Violin hair.
2008 - Lost virginaty. Vivid red in the front and black in the back. Smily piercing. Started enlarging ear lobs (streched ears). More dreads.
2009 - Car driving license.Ginger hair. Volunteer firefighter. Frowny piercing.
2010 - Swimming class. Coppery hair. More ear piercings.
2011 - Volunteer in Cova da Beira Hospital Center. Internship in Casas de Santiago. Septum piercing.
2012 - Au-pair in Germany. First tattoo. Lip piercing. Auburn hair. More dreads. Switzerland. France. Austria. Holland. Finland. Estonia.
2013 - University. Nipple piercings. More dreads. Au-pair in Ireland. Belfast. (6/7) Love of my life.
2014 - Erasmus in France. Cut of my dreads, my hair, made bangs.
2015 -

Benjamin

Já doi e ainda não está cá...

Este é o momento, em que tu te apercebes da magnitude dos teus actos, das proporções astronomicas que estes se tornam.
O momento em que te dás conta de que não és mais a mesma pessoa, e que as pessoas que tu conhecias não são mais as mesmas.
O momento em que sentes realmente estas palavras. Que nunca mais nada vai ser o mesmo.
Quando te dás conta que a vida não tem mais o mesmo significado, e que as saudades vão para sempre ser uma constante, e que na verdade, o significado que tinhamos para o conceito saudade tomou outra dimensão. Já doi, e ainda não está cá.

Já doi e ainda não está cá...

Peripecias com os três - A Lumi gosta muito de ti

Flor: Eu quero comer ao pé da mãe.
Helena: Come aqui ao pé de mim.
Flor: Não, eu quero a mãe.
Rio: Eu é que vou comer ao pé da mãe hoje.
Helena: Não gostas de mim Flor?
Flor: Não. Quero a mãe.
Helena: Oh, assim fico triste.
Rio: Mas a Lumi gosta muito de ti.
Helena: Porque dizes isso? Porque come sempre ao pé de mim? Ela não tem escolha, a cadeira dela tem de ficar ali, e eu tenho de lhe dar comida.
Rio: Não, porque ela está sempre a rir-se ao pé de ti.

Prepotencia

E quando a tua putrificante vida gira em torno de um obstinado eixo, eixo esse que está fora do sentido lato da prepotencia e magnanimidade da gélida e cruel certeza de um dia vir a ser uma sintetizada realidade?

Stuttgart - Germany

Friday was a calm day.
Saturday Belushi's Bar was the best ever. All my friends were there. I got to make new friends, speak french with a french guy, speak english with an Australian. So cool. Edipo and Felix were coming on me, and I thought they were a couple! Got home pretty late and pretty drunk, since I had the flu, and eating or drinking tasted ofnothing, I drunk wishkey like I was drinking water. That and having to scream to be able to talk, made me became voiceless.
Yesterday I went to Stuttgart with Taís, Danilo, Daia and Bruno.
I got to see some of the most well know places around there, and we went to the Zoo! WOW Lamaas, Polar Bears, Leopards, Camels, etc.
At the door of a church, we saw this blonde dreadheaded, blue eyed, tattooed, guitar player and street singer, and he started to sing 'The man who sold the world' for me. It was so amazing, I filmed it, and he was loking at me!
Around 6pm we had to get the zug back home, and our train wasn't available because someone commited suicide in the railway line. So we had to get the IC to Ulm.
Before getting into the train, I saw an amazingly pretty blonde dreaded head guy, and he was in the same train has we, so Tais chalanged me to go talk to him, since I found him so pretty, and after a while of wondering what should I talk to him about, I asked him about is dreads, with this hot line voice. lol
After that I went to Bruno's and Daia's house to have a vegetarish pizza, and than back home.
Today I remembered that I didn't asked of any of the dreadheads their names, so now I'm feeling pretty idiotic.
Now I'm going to Bruno's house again to cook a brazilian tradictional plate, Coxinhas de frango.

Dream beach

C: I had a dream with u some night ago......
H: really? and what was the dream about?
C: At first we were walking on a beach in the evening...
Just us noone else around. It was strange... And we were not talking, you where just smiling and the light from the sunset was in ur face.
Then... It got rather interesting, cuz then all of a sudden we were having sex... And in the middle of it i woke up... That was it.
H: That a st vicent dream, not a german dream

Too bad brings too good

Donnerstag -> Refugium -> Jazz concert -> Édipo, Daniel, Taís, Daia, Bruno, Jeferson, Danielo, Rafa
Freitag -> Danielen Haus
Samstag -> Lumi -> Mediansee haus -> Ballon -> Pins -> Cookies -> Al porto -> Heisse schokolade -> Daniel -> Music -> Mug -> Grandpa died -> Dolls house -> DVD player -> mugs -> ´Danielen Haus -> Carne de porto a alentejana + sangria -> David Medina, Taís, Danilo -> Drunkness -> Belushi -> 2 bikes + 4 glasses -> Danielen Haus -> Sleep
Sonnertag -> Tais -> Coffe machine -> Bag -> Puff -> Danilo -> bike -> Daia + Bruno -> Sala -> Bed

Telescope

Just so Jupiter and 4 of his moons!

Isla Bonita

Mit Danilo, Benny, Taís, Cris, Daia, Bruno, Giba, Guiherme, Vanessa, Jonas und Daniela.

Dachau

Concentration camp - 26/Feb/2012

Travel

Plans:
Taís, Danilo, Daniel and anyone that wants to come.
Budapest
Amsterdam
Berlin
Praha
London
Manchester
Paris
Roma
Wein
Norway
Greece
Finland
Vietnam

Peter and Paul - Renate

Two little blackbirds sitting on a wall.
One named Peter. One named Paul.
Fly away Peter. Fly away Paul.
Come back Peter. Come back Paul.

BR - Camero

Vinhamos nós (Eu, Taís, Daniel, Rafael e Jefferson) de reciclar as garrafas de vidro, quando um Camero se aproxima.
Jefferson: Olha só cara, para ai para ver passar.
Todos paramos com postura.
Jefferson: Olha
Que coisa mais linda
Mais cheia de graça
É ela menina
Que vem e que passa
Num doce balanço
A caminho do mar.
O cara do Camero faz Tchauzinho e acelera!
Todos batemos palmas e rimos e somos felizes assim na Deutschlandia!

Wochenend

Samstag (with Daniel) -> Texas+El bocado+Tiffanys -> Florenciano, Philips dude -> Home by cycling.
Sonstag -> Arrange Daniels kuchen -> Lunch -ovos de tomatada com pasta -> Recycle glass with Daniel, Táis, Rafael and Jefferson -> In the ice with Taís, Rafael and Daniel -> El Pano caffe with Daniel, Táis, Édipo -Schokolade eis -> Al Porto caffe with Daniel, Táis and Daía -Heisse schokolade mit shane -> Bangok restaurent with Daniel, Danilo, Benny, Rafael and Jefferson -Pasta mit gemuse -> Daniel's haus -arrange is bedroom to chill out party mode -> The end.

Peripecias com a Flor - Morrer

Flor: Nós... Juntos... Todos... Eu... A Lumi... A mãe... O pai... O Lio... Tu...
...
Helena: Sim?
...
Flor: Nós... Todos... Vamos... Um dia...
...
Helena: Vamos?
...
Flor: Nós... Todos... Um dia... Nós todos um dia vamos morrer. Todos...
Helena: *chills*

Best week ever!

Last Donnerstag (Thursday) I meet Christophe Balcombe, a 1,96m tall Caribbean boy, who now lives in Ravensburg.
We went on a Jazz concert. We didn't talk much. I liked him. He seemed to like me too.
Freitag (Friday) he was babysiting, so was I, and we babysited thougther, and it was fun. we didn't talk much.
By night I went out with Taís, Daia, Danilo, Rafael e o Daniel. We went on Belushi's bar. It was very good. I liked it. 30min before the bar closes, some dudes asked us if we wanted to go to their haus (home). It seems that germans are very straight to the point. Daniel got some fun too, lol.
Now I'm waiting for dinner, get ready, and get out.
Daniel will pick me up near Nahkauf (supermarkt), and we will decide what to do next. I just want to get out of this place, they just think that they have me for granted.
It was not a bad day, but it wasn't good either.
I have so much to think, so much to do, so much to live. Wasting my life here...

Chris Balcombe - Caribbean

I miss Chris.
I miss Chris Balcombe. He is from the caribbean. St. Vicent island.
Why? Why do I miss Chris? Should I ask him? We barely talked. But it was fun. It was very fun. It was the most fun ever!
Not even the drunkness of yesterday in Belushi's Bar was as fun as he was.
And shit he is moving, next week. And I will never see him again.
That is what you get when you live far from Home.
I want to be with him.
I miss Chris.

Precipécias com a Lumi - METAL

Helena: *poem uma música e abana a cabeça, feeling it* Lumi, Metal! *horns up*
Lumi: *sorri*
Helena: *ri* Metal! *horns up*
Lumi: *abana a cabeça feeling it too*
Helena: *ri* Metal! *horns up* Faz tu Lumi.
Lumi: *abana a cabeça e as mãos, really feeling it*
Helena: *LMFAO*

E agora ela está a curtir/feeling it, sem eu lhe dizer nada!
Aweseom kid!

Peripécias com a a Lumi - Cara de bicho

Sabem a cara de bicho do Samuel Massas?
Helena: Lumi, faz cara de bicho. *faço cara de bicho*
Lumi: *riso*
Helena: Lumi, faz cara de bicho. *faço cara de bicho*
Lumi: *gargalhada*
Helena: Lumi, faz cara de bicho. *faço cara de bicho*
Lumi: *faz cara de bicho*
Helena und Lumi: *LMFAO*

The weekend

Best weekend in Deutschland since ever! (not forgeting the Munchen one, but that was another story)
On Samstag I meet some brazilian people, Taís, Daia, Danilo, Jefferson and Benny.
Taís invited me for skating (skate in ice) in Ravensburg, it was very funny, I felt down a few times. When we were about to leave, we found Benny in the street, and at the same time, Jefferson and his girlfriend Anne showed up, so we went unto a coffe shop and talked, and talked, in german, portuguese, english, spanish, it was really nice. Than they arranged for a friends dinner gathering at Benny's place, and so we did, really cool and chill out and fun and good.
On Sonntag I meet a portuguese boy, Daniel, from Leiria, and we when to a rock concert, in Molke association. Really nice place for young people, and old too.
Than we walked, we had lunch in the hallenbad restaurent, and when to his place. There I meet another german boy,Philip, and we all talked, and talked until it was dark.

So, DO is the word to change your life!
Putting action is what matters!
Being myself again! :)

Peripécias com o Rio - Lilac

Rio: Ei! (não) A Flor tem o lápis lilac (roxo) na boca!
Helena: Flor, tira o lápis da boca.
Rio: Os lápis tem muitas coisas más, e se põe na boca, a Flor depois fica toda lilac (roxa)!
Flor: *cara muito procupada* Ai eu estou lilac?
Helena: Estás!
Rio: Oh ouh!
Helena: LMFAO
...
A Flor estava precisamente agora a pintar a barriga de roxo!

Peripécias com a Lumi - Fraldas

Depois de dar papa à Lumi:
Helena: Onde está a fralda da Lumi?
Lumi: *aponta para a fralda*
Helena: Vamos mudar a fralda?
Lumi: *abana a cabeça a dizer que não*
Helena: Tens coco?
Lumi: *ababna a cabeça a dizer que sim* (first time for head-yes)
Helena: :D Sim? Tão vamos mudar a fralda!
Lumi: *aponta para o fraldário*

Smart!!!

Should I stay or should I go now?

At this point, if I left, the questions to make would be:
1. What did I learn?
2. In what point is that useful?
3. What do I have to teach?
4. What did I take from that experience?
5. How many friends did I make?
6. How much money did I saved?
7. How do I feel about staying?
8. How do I feel about going?

1. A few words in finnish and in german.
2. In no point. I'm unable to make a sentence or keep a conversation.
3. Be green.
4. Slavery does exists.
5. 0
6. By now, only 200€.
7. Slaved.
8. Giving up?

You must be fucking kidding me...

The thing is, I have nothing to learn here. And since they should pay me a german teaching class, and not even that is happening, I'm just beeing slaved.
And besides being underpaid, they even rob me.

Two choices, I stay until July, or until September.
If I stay until Semptember, I might travel to Finland in August, still don't know if for free or not, but I'll have a place to stay, and food to eat, and get to know Helsinki. Plus, the summer in here must be awesome!
If I leave in July, its for international vonlunteer work, so, getting to know another place on earth, so... Help me?

Weight

I've pass down the 60's kg!
This morning I weighed myself, and the bathroom scale showed 59,8kg!
I know its little, just 200g of 60kg, but I never thought I would get this low!
You can't imagine how much time I been on 60kg and up. So much time, that I don't recall it being on any other way.
It's so good to feel this way, not fat, more agile, more free!
I've been a 42/44 (europe size) since ever, and now i fit on a 38!!!! I fit on a S/M!
I lost boobs, but, what do I care, don't really use them!!!
Don't have fat arms anymore! Don't have fat neck and sholder blades!
Still have some fat of course. It will go out with time and effort!
By the way, sick and tyred of kids, they now have glued tons of drawn on the wall and doors, and when the parents get back home, I'm the one to be blamed!
AWESOME!

Peripécias com a Flor - Aivot

Helena: Flor, mete o pipo (gorro)!
Flor: Miksi? (porquê?)
Helena: Porque senão ficas com o aivot (cérebro) congelado!
Flor: Mikä tämä on? (o que é isso?)
Helena: O cérebro? É uma coisa que está dentro da nossa pää (cabeça), que nos faz pensar!
Flor: Ai a Lumi também tem?
Helena: *LOL* Claro, toda a gente tem!
Flor: Ai o Patrick não tem!
Helena: *LMFAO

Peripécias com a Flor - Caries

Helena: Flor, pijama, dentes, xixi, cama!
...
Helena: Flor, já lavas-te os dentes?
Flor: Não, e não vou lavar! *abanando expressivamente a cabeça*
Helena: Mas tens de lavar!
Flor: Não.
Helena: Sim.
Flor: Miksi (porquê)? Vem um mau?
Helena: Sim, vem o mau dos dentes, as Caries!
Flor: Ai se eu não lavo os dentes vem o mau dos dentes?
Helena: Sim!
Flor: Ai então eu vou matá-lo! *abanando expressivamente a cabeça*
Helena: Como?
Flor: Com uma miekka (espada)!
Helena: *lol* Não. A uníca maneira de matar as caries é lavando os dentes todos os dias!
Flor: Ai e o mau dos dentes não vem?
Helena: Não. Os dentes ficam lavadinhos, e as caries não aparecem. Já fizeste xixi?
Flor: Não.
Helena: Então anda lá!
...
Flor: Já está.
Helena: Limpa o pipi.
Flor: Ai senão vem as caries?
Helena: *LMFAO* Não, as caries são só nos dentes.

My diet (veggie)

I start my day at 7h30am, and after I dump the bladder I weight myself.
Today I was weighting 60,4kg (I used to have 66kg before this veggie diet thing, about 3 month ago).
Than I do my hygiene. By that time I should make some yoga exercices, but I ain't got time...
Get dressed, drink a 33cl glass of water (on an empty stomach) and eat. Every morning I eat a bowl of Musli (cereal) with berries or nuts (375kcal/100g) with Bio 3,8% fat yogurt (72kcal/100g), so it's a low calories breakfast.
Than I do house shores, study german, and by 11am I eat an apple (52kcal/100g) or a black bread toast (240kcal/100g) with blackberries jam (177kcal/100g) (this one is my delight!).
Than I do 1h walking, to pick the kids from the kirdergarten (30min to get there, fast walking, and came back again).
When I get home I drink another 33cl glass of water.
Around 13pm I have lunch. We all, everyday, eat vegetarian food, vegan if possible, I don't know how many kcal, but fewer than if we had steak.
Today was spaghetti with broccoli and mushrooms, and I always flavor it with pepper. Desert is usualy fruit, from apple to banana (95kcal/100g).
Than I clean it all up, do some projects with the kids, and by 16pm we go out to play, get some energy out.
We come back home, play, arranje stuff around, and by 17h30-18pm we get dinner, always veggie, and another 33cl glass of water. Fruit. Clean it all up.
Wash the teeth, pee and bed.
Around 20h30pm I'm free, but I'm not gonna do yoga when I'm all tyred and just want to rest my body and my mind. Maybe I should... Or maybe I should wake up earlier.

Ich bin wirklich in der Deutsch Sache

I'm audtodidactly learning german, thinking about going on a curse: VHS-FN, found some german gramatik exercices, been trying...
It's hard with no pratice and no time!
I think I should post more things in here, about the hole au-pair experience, my journey, the projects that I've been making with the kids, the veg bio food part... I'm gonna try!

Aeternias

Tinha 17 anos quando o conheci. Ele tinha 24.
Que encanto, que explendor, que coisa exótica.
Foram loucos tempos esses. Estranha paixão fluía entre nós.
Grandes discuções. Violência verbal á mistura.
As minhas desaventuras amorosas nunca foram grande/pequena referência.
O tempo foi passando. Eu fiz 18. As coisas desenrolaram-se. o tempo foi passando, e passando, e passando. Agora tenho 21. Ele tem 27.
Muitas coisas aconteceram. Muitas pessoas aconteceram.
Ele volta sempre. Diz "gosto de ti" e pergunta "tu já não?".
Ontem adormeci com este pensamento.
Uma tonelada.

Planos a longo prazo.

Vish Maria: Vou fazer isto e aquilo e o outro e só lá para finais de Setembro é que vou a Portugal.
Anillosing: Parecem-me bons planos.
Vish Maria: Achas? A mim parecem-me inalcançaveis... Distantes... Sonhadores...

Planos a longo prazo sofrem de causa e efeito.
Planos a longo prazo mudam a vida de uma pessoa...
Fazer pela vida?

Entre linhas fica dito o selado.

You know?

You know when you don't feel what you are saying, but those are the right words to speak?
You know when it hurts, but you smile?
You know when you miss, but you don't tell?
You know when... '?

Days...

Whys, is there, days that are so good, and days that are so bad, inside of us?

Aveiro

Que dizer acerca destes dois dias em Aveiro.
Acho que se resume a:
Mogwai - Take me some where nice
e
Drogo Khal

Dificil de interpretar, dificil de compreender, facil de sentir. :)

And the awkwardness begins...

Mogwai - Take Me Somewhere Nice

Ghosts in the photograph
never lied to me.

I'd be all of that
I'd be all of that.

A false memory
would be everything.
A denial my eliminent.

What was that for?
What was that for?

What would you do
if you saw spaceships
over Glasgow?
Would you fear them?

Every aircraft,
every camera,
is a wish that
wasn't granted.

What was that for?
What was that for?

Try to be bad.
Try to be bad.

Jakob - I Was Hidden

Fazer pela vida.

Sabem o que se chama fazer pela vida?
Devem saber, mas sabem obtê-lo?
Eu ando a tentar compreender o conceito.
Ando a sério interessada em fazer pela minha vida.
Ando a formular ideias, ideologias, hábitos e hobbies.
Ando a tentar formar o meu eu, o eu que me consiste.
Não a Helena que dizem "que doida".
Não a Helena que dizem "que bonita".
Não a Helena que dizem.
A Helena que sou.
A Helena que serei.
E não me importa que digam "não te podia dar para pior".
Porque todos somos o que fazemos.
Somos os nossos actos.
E então entra o Mauro, "mete acção"!.
Meter acção é crucial.
Meter acção não é necessária e obrigatoriamente fazer bunji-jumping.
Meter acção pode ser dizer a verdade.
Meter acção pode ser mentir.

Mas... E o truque?
O truque está no tempo.
O truque está no tempo que virá.
O truque está no tempo e como o utilizamos.
As vezes acho que uso o meu tempo mal.
As vezes acho que não o estou a usar.
Outras vezes sei que o usei definitivamente bem, mas só porque tive um dia diferente?
Esse não pode ser o truque da utilização do tempo, porque os dias não podem ser indefinitivamente diferentes, nem conclusivamente iguais.
Todos somos temporários, e o tempo de cada um é significativamente importante relativamente a cada ser.
Portanto, o truque é apenas ser.
E é isso que estou a aprender. A ser. E o Fran devia fazer o mesmo.

Au-pair

I should up-date this au-pair blog section-thing!

I'm in Portugal at the moment.
Going to Aveiro tomorrow.
Going to Porto Tuesday, to catch my flight and get back to Friedrichshafen-Deutschland.

My au-pair family gave me a 3 week vacation to spend x-mas and new-year with my family and friends back in Portugal.
Those were some wierd 3 weeks.
Lesson taken from the experience: Can't understand how I lived so many years with my family. It is so wierd to come back and live in this insanity. I need to get my life done.

How to turn dreams into reality?

I had a vision.

Vai ter uma rapariga, sentada numa caveira, a olhar para o céu, onde medusas estarão a nadar ao ritmo do vento que as leva para junto das estrelas. Haverá uma lua? Cheia?
A menina vai estar a deitar bolhas, ter orelhas de elfo, sem brincos, com um vestido de menina, olhar pensativo, longo cabelo cor de cobre, longos dedos, pálida. Não vai ser gótica. Terá tatuagens?
No chão haverá pequenos dart frogs da cor do arco-íris. Vai ser uma floresta, as árvores crescem para baixo, com grandes raízes, profundas e fortes. Talvez uma baleia por lá passe.

Olivia Lufkin - Shadow of Love

chikai no yubiwa
futari no akai ito
ima wa mienai
yakusoku mo nai kedo

tsunaida te wo hanasanaide
shinjitsu nara kanashii dake
kono mama

* Trust in me
tatoe hodoketemo
kioku wa kizuna wo kesenai
Will you trust in me
yubisaki de tadoru hoshi mieru deshou

me wo sorasazu ni
hajimete tsutaeyou
hitomi ni utsuru
anata ga sono hito

kono ayauuge na sekai sae
koete yukeru to shinjiru dake
anata to

Trust in me
betsubetsu no sora ni
otozureru yoake no naka de
Will you trust in me
yume no naka nando demo
aeru deshou




Um anel prometido
Nosso laço vermelho
Agora eu não posso mais vê-lo
Não há promessa

Não solte minha mão
A verdade é tão triste
Fiquemos assim

Confie em mim
Mesmo que nos separemos
As memórias não deixarão nossa ligação desaparecer
Você confiará em mim?
Você pode ver as estrelas que eu desenho
com as pontas dos meus dedos, não pode?

Pela primeira vez, eu posso dizê-lo
Sem olhar para os lados
Nos meus olhos
Você é o único

Eu acredito que posso superar
Até mesmo esse mundo perigoso
Ao seu lado

Confie em mim
Assim como a alvorada vem
Para cada um de nossos céus
Você confiará em mim?
Nós podemos nos ver
Constantemente em nossos sonhos