terça-feira, 12 de novembro de 2013


How can this grey mass of cells what humans have inside their skulls be so different from individual to individual?
Sometimes I try to understand what makes people turn onto religion. Sometimes I wonder if I should turn myself onto something, because now, it seams to me that believing in the inexplicable is the best option.
Sometimes I know that this is just the lack of chemicals in the brain talking.
Even so, even knowing the cause of it, I still feel pretty bad during the day, I still feel like not talking, not smiling, not interacting, not going to classes, and crying, I feel like crying all the time. ...
And because of that, I've been isolating myself. Again.
Such a familiar feeling. I can easily remember these feelings, that empty time of my life...
But this time I don't know what to do. This time I'm really lost.
I've the capacity of knowing when I'm not doing well, and I'm humble to ask for help, and so I did, but I feel that I keep on sinking, I keep on asking myself what else do I have to do to feel okay, to feel like I'm the best I can be, to feel like I deserve something, because I keep on seeing everybody forgiving and loving others, and I'm the unforgivable one, I'm the unloved. I'm nobodies favorite, no matter how much I love them.
What wrong did/do I do?
And probably this is all just in my head.
I don't know what more to do. I don't know what is going on. I'm not this lonely person. I'm a happy, cheerful smiley person. I'm a funny person. I'm a the coolest person on Earth, but still I feel like this.
All I want now it to crawl into bed, and cry until I fall asleep.
And feeling like this, just makes me think, that whatever I  came up to do in life, no matter how many years pass-on-by, I will never be an emotional stable person, and so I wont ever be able  to have a life partner, nor children, and that makes me want to cry even more.
And now I'm afraid my redhead will also fall in love for her.
And this goes like a snow ball, rolling down the hill, getting bigger and bigger.

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