I hear but how will I see?

A lady with a violin playing to the seals
Hearken to the sound of calling

Who tied my hands to the wheel?
The zodiac turns over me
(Come to me)
Somewhere there my fate revealed
I hear but how will I see

I tied myself to the wheel
The winds talk to my sails, not me
(Come to me)
Somewhere there my fate revealed
I hear but how will I see


Last weekend I saw an old friend from affar. This is what he though me. Thanks.
http://aseatosufferin.blogspot.pt/

Homosexies

I'm not homosexual, but homophobia can really spike my nerves.

Stress and cortisol - the best of friends.

And it starts.

I've always been a strong believer in the holistic aspect of the human being.
I believe in the power of the body and the minding connected. When one is weaker, the other will suffer.
I don't mind other people taking medicines, but I don't take them myself. Or I didn't until now.

Faun - Da que deus

Nada melhor que uma excelente banda do ponto de vista não só musical, mas também do ponto de vista linguístico, e o cheirinho a pizza no forno.

Da que Deus mmamou o leite do seu peito

non e maravillia de saar contreito

Desto fez Santa Maria miragre fremoso

ena sa ygrej en Lugo, grand'e piadoso

por hua moller que avita tolleito

o mais de seu corp'e de mal encolleito

O bispo e toda a gente deant'estando

veend'asquest'e oynd'e de rijo chorando

viron que miragre foi e non trasgeito

porende loaron a Vigren a feito.

Warduna - Bjarkan

Du som bar meg niu vintre,

svøpet i eit slør

spunni av liv og død.

Ut av moders djupe kjød,

inn i verdas grøne lød.

Døy og bli født på ny.

Faun - Arcadia

Laske juoni juoksemahan
Virka vippelehtämähän
Kullaista kujoa myöten
Hopiaista tietä myöten
Jost'on sillat silkin pantu
Sillat sillkin, suot sametin
Veralla vetelät paikat
Pahat paikat palttinalla

Metsän ukko halliparta
Metsän kultainen kuningas
Ava nyt aittasi avara
Luinen lukko lonkahuta

Ukko kultainen kunningas
Hopiainen hallitsija
Anna mulle ainojasi
Kanna mulle kaunojasi
Kullassa kulisevia
Hopiassa helkkävia

Aja vilja vieremille
Aukeimmille ahoille
Minun metsipäivinäni
Erän etsiaikoinani

Blow some trumpet loud and free
Leave the hills of Arcady
Give thine oaten pipe away
Leave the hills of Arcady
Once the land of liberty
Land of ancient chivalry
Blow some trumpet loud and free
Leave the hills of Arcady

Let the line of forest animals run free,

Let the line of forest animals run free

Along the golden alley

Along the silver road

Where the bridges are made of silk

Bridges of silver, bogs of velvet

With broad cloth the wet places

Bad places with linen.

The old man of the forest, graybearded

The golden king of the forest

Open your wide storehouse

Open your bony lock

The old man, the golden king

The silvery ruler

Give me your only(??)

Carry me your beauties

Jingling in gold

Jingling in silver

Drive the flock to the slope

To the open clearings

During my forest days

My backwoods time of visitation.

Doesn't finnish just sounds so perfect?

Stuck

I don't like the way I'm going.

Fit not in.

Wondering how OCD, stress, anxiety and Queima/Cortejo would be a disaster? I am.
I'm very glad that I'm not in Coimbra now. I don't care if I have two goddaughters, if my godfather and godmother are there, if if if, I don't care. And I'm not looking forward for next year's Cortejo. Is it okay if I miss "my own" Cortejo?
I'm starting to think Coimbra was a mistake. I still haven't felt the magic, the "encanto" of Coimbra is still a mistery to me.
It seems to me that the "magic" comes out from the alcohol/drugs socialization. I don't drink or do drugs, so there is no excuse for me to go out to bars or discos, nor to dinners or febradas 'cause I don't eat meat either.  I'm also older than most of them. I've also lived more than most of them. I'm the outsider. Is that it? I'm the combination of all the undesired things a "friend" can be. My outside doesn't goes with my inside. I'm way to responsible for what my look tells of me. I'm way too experient for what my age says. I'm way too freaky for what society expects.
Being this unique makes it hard to fit in. Too cool for the nerd kids. Too boring for the wild ones. Too cute to be ignored. Not cute enough to be taken serious. Too young for older people. Too old for my class mates.
Seriously, I need to make those "forever friends" that everybody does in uni. How is it so easy for everybody?
I had a flashback of Miguel smiling and waving at me on last year's Serenata night, and than ignoring me. hmm...
I don't know. Thinking back on that now, I was clearly not comfortable that night.

The hot, and I'm not

Two days ago I went to the Aquarium, and it was awesome! Jellyfishes!
Yesterday I decided that I would go to the zoo today, to walk, see the animals, feel the nature, relax, bring my knitting supplies and do some scarf meditation.
I'm starting to think more about things before I do them, like planing the hole thing, so I know everything will go according to plan, timing, packing some snacks, water, hat, jacket, etc.
The initial plan was to to be there at the opening hour - 9h30 - since it will be fresher, and maybe the animals will be more active. Its a 1h walk to get there (yes, there are buses, but, If I'm not doing anything the entire day, if walking is good for relaxing, and I get to see a bit more of the city, why not?), so I would have to leave my place between 8h and at 8h30, which means waking up at around 7h (eat, exercise, shower, sun-cream myself, etc., takes a lot of time).
Since I woke up this morning at 9h, which was too late for what I've planned, I thought it was better to go after lunch, after to hot hour were done.
When it got to around the time I thought it was good to leave the place - 14h - I checked the weather, pretty sunny outside today, than  I checked the thermometer, and it said 45.2ºC.
What the fuck sun? Why so hot? I can not go do a 1h walk to the zoo with those temperatures!
I guess I'll be going there tomorrow  really early in the morning then.
It has dropped to 44.5ºC, but still...
Can't wait to be back in cold Ireland for the summer!
The plan was Norway, but hey, life said Ireland again. :D

Translation

I do not know if I've posted about this or not, although I have the feeling that I've talked/written about it, it still feels like I need to do it again.

I do not come from a poor nor rich family. I come from a hard working one, and I just happened to be a very conscious teenager that understood that having 3 month of vacations every summer was way too much free time to not do anything, and so I preferred to use that time to do something useful for myself  and for others. I remember looking at some of my friends, at the end of school year, talking about what they would do that summer, to which festivals would they go, where would they go camping, which beach should they chose that summer, and thinking myself, that I needed to find something to do. Off course that I also had vacations. I also went traveling. I also went to the beach. The difference is that I would work all summer, making that last week of summer so much more rewarding and enjoyable.
I see myself has an ambitious person, and somehow I knew that having a curriculum full of activities was an important thing in the future. Nowadays I struggle with my 6 page long curriculum, although I'm still doing my studies, so my "real adulthood life" jobs haven't even started.
I've been working since I was 14. It was never about the money, since most of them were part-time jobs, and the others were volunteer work.
I've worked in so many different things, archaeological excavations, tourist guide and museum helper, forest ranger, tutor in summer swimming camp, harvests, kinder garden (for a German speaking person, this English word kinder-garden is very confusing, and I always have to double check if I've written it in English or in German), volunteer in the hospital, Rehab center, volunteer firefighter, babysitter, au-pair, cleaning lady,  private lessons, and translation.
And this is where it comes to. To be a translator.
I've been asked to do some professional translations, this week I got asked again, but every-time that that was asked of me, the pricing was always an issue, I asked too little, and they would ask even less.
I faced myself with two options, either proudly refuse the work and explain what translation is and that there is a reason for the pricing , or cowardly accept the poor payed job but get some money out of it.
My question is, should I just let it get priced down, or fight for the dignity of translators?
Because I've seen some very wrong people offering to translate for 5€ a page. What?
Depending on the languages that are being used to translate, and if it is an official document, or per say, a children's book, the rates change, but, anyway, it fluctuates between 0.06€ to 0.15€ a word. A full page is worth way more than 5€.
It might feel like I'm being greedy, and that I just want the money, but hey, I'm studying and paying for my studies for something. If I wanted a badly payed job, I could just not spend a lot of money in my studies. Plus, after all the stress it has been causing me, it better pay off very well, 'cause I didn't signed up for this to get chronicle stress.
Anyway, the problem comes up when you are in need of money, you need to pay bills, eat, medical expenses, etc., and you either get proud and say not to a bad payed job, or say yes, get your money, but demean your jog and eventually your career, not to talk about your self-esteem.
This really annoys me, and it saddens me that people don't understand the value of translators.
I'm now starting to feel afraid to say the price of a translation when I'm asked to do one, because eventually they will say that it is too much, and try to price it down or turn the hole thing off.

http://search.proz.com/employers/rates

Locks

So, it has been a week and something since my hair style changed. Some of my dread-locked friends also changed their hair style.
People that never had dreadlocks or long hair, or don't appreciate hair in a more general way, might think this is silly, but there is a lot of thinking involved in this process.
At this point, I don't know if I regret having done it or not.
Having dreadlocks, for dreadlocked people, its more than an hair style, it's a form of recognition,  it's a way of saying "cool man, we share the same believes" (most of the times). Having dreadlocks is kinda like belonging to a cult or a religion. I'm not talking about Rastafarians, although the two things are often connected. Its like belonging to a gang. You know your crowd, and they know you are one of them, just because you share a liking on the same hair style.
The other day I went to meet some people, and some of them had dreadlocks. My feeling was "cool, we share the same believes", but I could see on their faces that they didn't think the same, because I no longer have my dreadlocks, and they couldn't identify me. I'm no longer recognized by my crowd, and that saddens me. I lost part of my identity. I lost the power to fight the stigma. I was a non self-proclaimed pierced, tattooed a dreadlocked straight edge girl, and now I'm not. I was the proof that funny looking people are not all bad, that they can be good, in fact, very good, since I saved people and forests.
Plus, one of the reason for chopping of my hair was to see if it would get healthier. It keeps on falling like water in a waterfall, even thou I have been taking hair supplements.
Another reason was to make my mother happier, only did she cried a lot when she saw my hair.
So, now, I wonder if it was a good idea at all.

Anónimo disse: < 3

Um dia alguém disse que se deve experimentar uma coisa nova de vez em quando, por isso, desta vez, experimentei fazer topless no Monaco.

Psicotico

Devo ter sofrido um surto psicotico hoje. Cortei as rastas. Rapei metade do cabelo. Fiz uma muito estranha franja. Pirei de vez.

Nota pessoal: Não ler merdas na internet.

Bedtime routine

In an attempt to make myself more healthy, less stressed, and more environmental, I've decided to make a bedtime routine.

Bedtime routine:
- Don't eat 3h before going to sleep.
- Don't do very requiring activities 3h before going to sleep, like exercice or thinking about problems.
- Wash face with homemade face scrub/mask, let it sit - helps clears up pores and cleans up the skin -10min - only every-other day, scrubbing too often rips of the good protective cells from the skin;
- Brush teeth with homemade tooth paste - whitens teeth - 5min;
- While brushing, think of how good the day was, and how much better tomorrow will be;
- Drink a big glass of water -  hydrates the body for when it is sleeping;
- Wash mask off the face, moisture it - moisturizing over night is important to keep the skin healthy;
- Hand cream - keeps the skin in the hand hydrated and presents aging marks;
- Bed Yoga - relaxing yoga exercises and positions that can be done in bed and help the body and mind get ready to sleep - 30 min;
- Get to bed and read one chapter - its a relaxing activity good to put you to sleep;
- Drink GoodNightTea while reading - it has calming effects;
- Lay down in bed and do a boob massage while breading deep - helps to work the muscles underneath the boobs, which makes boobs fuller - 10min;
- Massage scalp while breading deep - helps to stimulate the follicles on hair, therefore, hair growth - 5min;
-  Say your prayers;
-  Go to sleep.

So whatever time you need to go to bed, just start your routine 1h30 to 2h before.
This Bedtime routine/your time, complimented with a good Morning routine, makes anyone get healthier and happier. :)

The deep pockets

The money picture

Once a month/week for your kids lives, put $10 in a photo album.
Give it to them when they graduate, awesome present!

Hair ball.

Atualizando a cena, porque muita cena se tem passado.

Numa tentativa ecológica e natural de melhorar a qualidade dos meus cabelo, muita coisa mudou no meu regime capilar.
Ao longo da ultima década tornei-me numa aficcionada em crescimento capilar, e li inúmeros textos sobre como tratar o cabelo como se ele fosse ouro.

Listando:

1. Escovar antes de lavar. Nunca escovar cabelo molhado.
2. Escova com dentes de madeira.
3. Massajar com oleo de castor por 10 min antes de lavar.
4. Lavar apenas 1 ou 2 vezes por semana, massajando bem.
5. Condicionar depois de lavar com leite de coco.
6. Fazer máscara de creme de coco 1 vez por semana.
7. Secar com toalha e aplicar Leave-in condicionador de coco. 
8. Nao secar com secador/ fazer penteados frisados.
9. Nao usar spray nem gel nem espuma.
10. Usar o mais possível produtos naturais.

Tenho utilizado shampo 100% natural com extractos de abacate e faço (FAÇO, eu, em casa, com produtos naturais) máscaras de creme de coco,  porque teem propriedades regenerativas.
Deixei de pintar o cabelo aos anos, e eu sei a tentação a que resisto cada vez que nao compro tinta vermelha.
Deixei de ser teimosa e cortei 10cm em Janeiro. Já cortei 10cm outra vez. E tenho cortado mais.
Interessante é o facto de que até sobre as minhas rastas meditei e decidi que as vou tirar, e já tirei algumas.
Eu faço tudo para ter um cabelo impecável.
E só assim porque sim, quando eu decidi trata-lo bem, o meu cabelo decidiu começar a cair como as chuvas de outono. Apareceu-me inclusive um Bald Spot. A sensação de tocar-lhe é muito estranha, é quase como tocar o cerebro.

Pessoa normal que eu sou, que conclusão imediata tirei? É cancro. É mal ruim.
Com alguma investigação googlense, descobri que o mal ruim que me está a atacar é o stress, again.
"Qual Stress melhéri?"
Aparentemente as imperfeitas e desorganizadas subtilizas da vida infligem em mim altos níveis de stress.
Limpeza e organização tornaram-se uma obsessão clara, no obvio sentido médico, uma vez que agora nao só eu noto isso, também as pessoas se sentem afectadas com isso, ao ponto de:
"Eu quero fazer coisas contigo, mas tu só queres limpar."
Frase de grande impacto.

SUNN O))) & Ulver - Eternal Return

Two great bands got together to make an amazing prodution.

Constelações

Sem querer escutei uma música que automaticamente me trouxe o Miguel à memória.

Como é que eu achei que eu e ele pode ser algo certo?

Temos o gosto pelas línguas em comum, apesar de o dele ser amor. 

Mas para além disso, que mais?
Tentei convence-lo a cozinhar bolos comigo, mas a culinária não é um interesse dele, é um interesse meu. E desta frase tiram-se muitas conclusões...

Como é que achei que eu e ele podia ser algo certo?
Ele para mim tem tudo para ser certo. E eu para ele não tenho nada para ser certo.
Não gostamos da mesma música. Eu até gosto da dele, mas ele não deve certamente gostar da minha.
A meu ver, se eu fosse ele, também não tinha gostado de mim. Para ele sou uma estranha rapariga que faz o que lhe dá na real gana. E isso não é nada o tipo dele.
O erro nesta história, foi meu, e dele, de numa noite sem sono, ficar muitas horas a conversar, e criar uma ligação ai. E o erro nesta história, foi eu sentir uma ligação que pelos visto não existiu. 

E o meu erro, foi não amansar a coisa, e estimar uma possível amizade. Ou não ter saído de casa nessa noite...

Eu sei lá. Acho que não conseguia ser amiga dele. Ele é demasiado interessante para ficar só a falar das estrelas.

New Year Resolutions

On the 3rd month of the year I realised I didn't made my NY resolutions and wish related post.

Resolution from last year:
Quit drink -> Incredible nailed it! Haven had a drink since 2012.

Quit smoking -> failed big time, but it seams that this year is the year, haven smoked since begining of January.

More exercise -> last year was not it. I went to the pool every week during the summer, but it was more of a jacuzzi moment. This year its going well, I've been going to yoga classes, and I've been doing morning and bedtime exercices. Plus I use my bike a lot.

Quit animal eating -> Failure. Living with a meat eater made things hard, but I haven't touched animals food this year! Still drinking milk, but that is the only dairy product I'm currently consuming.

Study more -> That was a plus! I did got in about almost all of the classes, and I even did an extra one!
More piercings -> Yes, two very private piercings I did.

This year I resolute to:

- Eat less processed and cooked food;
- Eat more organic and happy foods;

- Drink more natural juices; 

- Seriously learn how to juggle and roller skate;

- To be more creative and show it;

- Connect more with my foreign family;

- Open up my mind even more, since I've been realizing it is still very closed;
- Follow my dreams even more.

Make it Awesome was the wish, and it sure did was an awesome year, being the awesome part many very different things,  from the incredible friends I made that year,  the ecological group, falling in love with the latin teacher, the strong fight with my housemates, the ireland au-pairing, the summer trips, living with Nádia, loving spanish classes, being a racist and dating a black guy, spending NYeve in the beach with the ones I most love. It was all kinds of awesome last year.

This year:

Make it Mesmerizing!

Cloth Diapers

"A Cloth diaper is a reusable diaper and can be made from natural fibers, man-made materials, or a combination of both." says wikipédia
It is also a great "back to the old days" innovation.
Cloth diapers are the eco friendly choice when it comes to pooping. 
The disposable diapers are made of armful products for the environment, and are only used one time, and disposed on trash fields laying there for decades.

Why use cloth diapers?

They are washable, so your baby uses them time and time over. The diaper grows with your baby duo to the evolutionary growth closure system on them, and they go until your toddler is pot training and doesn't need them anymore. And after that, they can be passed on to your next child or to your cousins baby, or to your neighbor, you name it, but it is undeniable that these diapers do have a very long life span.
They can be a bit expensive, but you only need to have like 10-20 of them, and they pass on from baby to baby, so on the long run, they are way less expensive than the disposable ones. You can buy them second hand, and if you Do It Yourself, you will have diapers on a budget.
Another positive matter about this diapers, is that they can be made of eco friendly products, like 100% organic cotton, bamboo, and hemp.
I didn't know what hemp was, so I wikied it, and I'm impressed. Food, cloth, fuel, construction material and so on! Low maintenance,  few pesticides and no herbicides, make this cannabis variation of a plant the "do it all" of plants. So, has a non self proclaimed straight edge, I here say that from now on, this hemp plant is on my top favorite plants. 

Where to buy cloth diapers?

kellyscloset
thanksmama

Which are the best?

There are many very good brands: Shop-by-Brand
Has a previous user of cloth diapers, I prefer one-size, fitted, snap closure, waterproof outside with pocket for linen insertion on the back.

Why not DIY (do it yourself)?

There are very many good DIY cloth diapers tutorials online, some of them really simples. Here are some:
ifonlytheywouldnap
awesomeclothdiapers

Great link with cloth diapers advises, on washing and all of that: 
awesomeclothdiapersmodernalternativemama And I must agree on point number 11.! 

Loving and missing

Missing you and Loving you are two very different things.

Missing you...

... Is going out with friends and wishing you were there too...

... Is being alone in bed at night and wanting to cuddle...

... Is thinking that sushi is awesome, but with you it is amazing...

... Is wanting your arms around me...
... Is missing shower time... One of your favorite times of the day...

... Is remembering sweet sex with wild love...
... Is blushing at the thought of your kisses...
... Is felling your warm hands on my naked body when closing my eyes to fall into a sleep...
... Is crying from imagining your perfect front head wrinkles...
... Is growing a big smile when you say that Its fun to lie in bed with me talking and cuddling...
... Is missing bedtime stories... Doggydragons...

Loving you...

... Is baking your favorite cake even if you are not here...

... Is imagining you laughing and laughing too...

... Is smiling every time I think of you...

... Is talking with you until late at night, but not really saying much...

... Is making stupid quiz...
... Is tolerating a daywalker...

... Is remembering ...

... Is seeing your twin in the street and still wanting you...
... Is asking you what restaurant you want to go, and knowing you will say sushi, although you don't love sushi...
... Is to be so romantic like saying our love is like a jellyfish, or that you are my favorite lumberjack ever...
... Is realizing that the scariest thing I've ever done is your natural habitat...
... Is telling you to get up, get out, do things, and not do them myself...
... Is considering planing a 1000 km cycling trip, over to your place, just to make sure you brush your teeth before going to bed...
... Is knitting a bed for your cat George...
... Is wondering if our kids will look more like you or more like me...I hope like you! 
... Is showing you traditional music from my country, therefore, dirty lyrics, and trying to explain them to you...
... Is pretending that I was not very sad when you got your job in Apple back, therefore, couldn't move here...
... Is getting happy when you say sneaky things  like "all you have to do is throw your top at me and boom cleaning done"...
... Is crying from happiness when you say you love me in Portuguese...
... Is being vegetarian and still loving you when you say you had chicken for dinner...  My sweet assassin...
... Is being a non self proclaimed Straight Edge and being happy receiving drunk messages from you...
... Is you asking me what I want to do when I go visit, and me answering "dumpster diving"... ... Is asking you if your surprise gift is a trip to Paris, and your answer be like "so you want a trip to the place you're coming from?" ...

Brushes (hair, tooth, make up, painting, wtv, etc)

I came here to complain now, 'cause I just reminded myself that there is a certain very ecological company that needs a very upset email from a costumer: Me!

I got a bamboo hairbrush for my valentine this past valentine. And  guess what?
After two or three uses some of the bristles of the hair brush broke!
And I got very upset!

First, because I gave it has a present, and I thought it was a super cool, very good, useful, cute gift, and it let me down! It is like giving a non working ipod, or a out of date jar of peas, or an "another side of the world restaurant" discount, or a coupon for tampon to a guy! WTV...

Second, because it was the most expensive brush that I've ever bought! My brush didn't even cost half of that one. But, since its quality and price are in a related balance (or so I thought) I can not complain in this part.

Thirdly, because it claims to be all eco, biodegradable, bamboo material, wtv, and I get it, it will degrade it self with time, but come on, 3 brushes and it breaks? And that was not caused by the miss-usage of it. It was not used to brush fake hair, or to brush animals fur! And anything, since it is made of bamboo, and bamboo is an organic material, does things wouldn't ruin it anyway. I don't understand how did this happened. 

I guess ginger hair really is fire, or in this case, a very sharp cutting blade. Maybe the instructions should mention "only for very, very, very, weak hair, cancer like type".

Anyway, putting that aside, I do have to say that I was impressed by that brush, it had a very clean look.
I have a wooden one with wooden bristles, but its painted in black and red, and I guess it doesn't gives it the best or organic looks... 

Being that said, why do I presented a bamboo brush if I have a wooden one myself?

Bamboo grows faster (around 3 years for a bamboo plant to reach an adult stage), with no need of fertilizers, pesticides or maintenance (bonus for "wild"/organic growing), and it is naturally antimicrobial,  so it can be replanted every other year, making it a low maintenance, sustainable solution to replace wood, which comes from threes, and depending on the used species, it can take from 25 to 100 years or more for a three to get to an adult stage, and most of the times also needing fertilizers, pesticides and maintenance.

Mankind is too busy (and to greedy) to wait 25 years for a three to grow, so he just cuts down the ones that have been growing in our planet for centuries, and the abuse has been so big, that we seriously face deforestation.

So why don't I buy a bamboo brush for myself too?

If I already have a wooden one, it is just stupid to trow something good away to buy another one, even if the new one is an improvement. 

That applies for most of the ecological choices.

If one day, my doggydragon eats my wooden brush, and I mandatory have to get a new one, I will get a bamboo one, I just hope it doesn't breaks has soon...

What is wrong with plastic hair brushes?

WHAT is right is my question.
Plastic takes a life span to degrade, and since normal users use an hair brush a year, a new tooth brush every 3 month, drag queens will have all brands, shapes and shades of all kind of make brushes, and every good cooker has a brush to brush patisseries, that is an off load of plastic per person, per year, that one day will be somewhere in the bottom of a river, sticking out in a pile of garbage on a dump close to your city, or in the stomach of a seal...
Bamboo and wood get back to nature, giving it a new chance to defeat evil Karma.

Plus, plastic brushes and bristles damages your hair follicles, breaking them, because of the electric static plastic passes on to hair when it is being brush, especially when hair is wet. Imagine it as some one giving you a caress with his hand, but is hand is a mixture between an hedgehog and a jellyfish. Cool han?

So where can I buy one (when mine gets eaten by a catbat)?

Nowadays you can get eco-friendly brushes more often in normal grocery stores, but if you can't find it in your local shops, just don't give up, and keep on trying. Never leave the environment behind.
Here are some online solutions:
gogreenathome

woobamboo

brushwithbamboo (inside this link, there are directions how to get a good maintenance on your brush and upcycle ideas)

Did you know brushes also need to be taken care of?

That's true, you'll have to walk them outside, water them, go with them to the zoo, but most of all give them love.

Now, seriously, brushes, all kinds of it, need to get maintenance, to get a better use out of it, and a longer life span, like everything.

You will need to clean them, remove hairs/toothpaste/paint/make-up, preferably after every usage, but once a week will do.

I miss you baby by Darkolica on deviantART

Craddle

Since back when I lived in Germany and came across with this Swedish brand - Stokke - I got fascinated by some of their things, and one of the best creations of theirs is this crib:

What makes it incredibly awesome is its possibilities of changing from a nursery bed, to a childs bed, to chairs, to a desk, etc, making it a very eco choice.
They also have a changing table from the same line. (I'm not a fan of changing tables -> unsafe)
Plus, they use organic materials.

Other eco choices are:

:

And obviously there are always the ridiculously cute beds:

Since I'm trying to be eco, I think the best is really not to buy any baby bed at all. And if really needed, I still have my own at my parents...
And I could not finish this without talking about the most famous finnish cribe: The Cardboard Box:

Mudroom

Smart save space storage - SSSS - Stairs

Bunk beds

They save space and make every child's dream come true.
And attention please, the stairs must be at the ends of the beds, for safety reasons. It is easier to remove kids from them that way.
http://www.bunkbedz.com/images/

E-mail

When your kids are born, reserve them an email address.
Over the years send them photos, notes, kid-isms, stories, news about their achievements,  scan/pic of their art work (this can include the cute hand painting they do on kinder-garden, or the lovely wall art they presented you one day you left them unwatched for 2 sec with a crayon), etc.
On their 18th B-day give them the password.

It is still not Fuck This Shit O'clock

Obviously my OCD is going all sort of places, if at 6am, on a sleepless night, I just find myself toothbrush brushing my sink and sink tab... And than I look myself in the mirror, and I can not see me. I can see a girl, with messy hair, face full of scars, scratched neck, crazy eyed look...
And Nev reminds me of Miguel.

Erasmus de um ponto de vista intimo

Uma das coisas que já aprendi sobre mim, é que, se estou a ouvir músicas de Nightwish, Anathema ou Antimatter, é porque tenho de verbalizar alguma coisa.
Suponho que essas são as minhas bandas de conforto, e se as escuto em busca de conforto, é porque algo me incomoda.
Depois da interessante época natalícia, de uma passagem de ano diferente, de alguns exames,  e de muitas discussões sem duvida reveladoras, cheguei a Montpellier para um semestre de Erasmus.
Primeiro erro: não ter escolhido fazelo por um ano inteiro.
Segundo erro: Expectativas.

Desde que aqui estou, as coisas tem corrido relativamente bem.
Fiz alguns amigos, sai algumas vezes.
Mas nada parece real.
As aulas são mais difíceis do que as que teria em Portugal.
Alguns controvérsias surgiram, e só me apeteceu desaparecer e chorar.
Sinto-me só.
E por isto não tenho ido às aulas.

Por outro lado, noto cada vez mais o meu comportamento TOC, a ansiedade e o stress a aumentarem. E com isso a depressão. E não consigo controlar nenhum. E isso está a afectar as minhas capacidades de socialização e os espaços em que me coloco e como me sinto em relação a eles.

A semana passada fui ao médico (devo ser ligeiramente hipocondríaca, porque passo a vida a ir ao médico), e fiquei radiante quando a enfermeira me pesou e a balança disse 59kg. Tendo em conta outros factores (como já ter comido nesse dia, e bebido quase meio litro de água, ou o facto de as minhas rastas cheia de penduricalhos e tantos piercings também contribuírem para essa conta) eu devo pesar na verdade 58kg.
Isso é incrível porque dias antes de partir de Portugal pesei-me e tinha 64kg em jejum. Estou aqui à menos de um mês e jà perdi 6kg! Estou no bom caminho!
A enfermeira, e a maioria das pessoas, ficam muito impressionadas por eu não beber bebidas alcoolicas...
Mais, deixei de fumar, de comer animais, de beber bebidas que não são naturais, e a comer mais legumes frescos em vez de enlatados.Vou ao mercado aos sábados buscar os vegetais.


E estas coisas fazem-me pensar, se serei eu capaz de ter uma vida normal.
Acabar o curso e dizer que era isso que eu queria.
Ter um emprego e estar contente com isso.
Ter alguém que me acompanhe e me faça feliz.
Ser mãe...

Quem se vai apaixonar por um pessoa com TOC e depressiva?

Ás vezes penso em todas as minhas crianças, e sei que quando elas tiverem 15 anos não se vão lembrar de mim. E eu vou estar velha, com saudades delas, e nunca mais os vou esquecer. Nunca nunca mais. E eles não vão saber quem sou.

Pergunto-me o que quero fazer da vida. E a resposta é: Não isto. Não sei.

Family and Christmas.

.

My kids. :)

Because every family is different.

My multilinguistic finnish kids from Germany are looking great, 

sending me a Christmas post card every year. 

Missing them a lot. Missing that/my family a lot.

To awesomely be an awesome Au-pair.

Natal - a revelar pessoas à mais de 2mil anos

Depois dos últimos natais, e dos últimos  dias aqui em casa com a família, vejo como esta época não é feita para se ser solidário e fofo, mas para revelar quem realmente somos e quem nos rodeias.

Prevejo que não passarei muitos mais no seio desta família. Porque eu não tenho que passar as minhas férias a levar com estas merdas. Posso ser filha muito bem. Mas a paridade nesta casa nunca foi muito bem medida. E a invasão e desrespeito começam a ser intoleráveis. Eu sei que eles não sabem, mas há já muitos anos que ando a "comer e calar" pelo bem e harmonia desta família. Ontem passei-me. Completamente. Não aguento mais com isto, e ontem tive de explodir. Gritei com a minha mãe. E por muito minha mãe que ela seja, e por mais que amor de mãe seja incondicional, ontem tratei-a da mesma forma que ela me trata a mim, e aparentemente ninguém gostou.
E há sempre o problema do dinheiro.
Ontem decidiu comprar uns candeeiros novos pro meu quarto, sem me perguntar se era preciso ou se gostava. Uma filha normal, diria "muito obrigada, são lindos". Um filha que já não aguenta com isto "os outros candeeiros? Estavam bons. Para que são estes, horríveis e caros?". A resposta obtida:
"Na minha casa eu tiro e ponho o que quero, estás ó vir?"
"Sim, apesar daquele ser o meu quarto, na tua casa fazes o que tu queres, agora andar a comprar merdas que não fazem falta, enquanto eu tenho de andar a poupar e a passar fome para ter dinheiro que chegue para sobreviver, isso é que já não me podes dizer."
"Só andas assim porque queres, sais-te dos bombeiros, perdes-te o direito às propinas. Achas que valeu a pena ir la pra longe ver do garoto?"
"O quê? Eu não te peço dinheiro desde Abril, e estás-me a dizer que a culpa é de ter saído dos bombeiros? Eu não sai dos bombeiros porque quis, sabes bem disso. Além disso agora é muito bonito atirar-me isso à cara, que o dinheiro das propinas está a faltar, mas quando para lá fui ninguém me apoio nem disse 'força filha', alias disseram exactamente o contrario. Queres assim tanto que eles me paguem as propinas, vai para lá tu, que também me as pagam por ser tua filha"
"Essa é que era boa! Se não tivesses ido ver do garoto, isso é que era andar de cabeça."
"Incrível! Há os que os filhos não fazem nada e ainda lhe dão pancadinhas nas costas, há os que os filhos arranjam trabalho e ainda levam com bocas destas em cima. Incrível! Às vezes penso se não me devia era meter-me na droga e aparecer grávida em casa para ver se ficavas mais feliz. Ai se aparecesse assim mas de cabelo cortado, sem piercings e de salto alto de certeza que ficas. Um orgulho de mãe, ao menos já me podias mostrar ás tuas amigas e não tinhas de me esconder delas. Melhor drogada e linda, que responsável e assim!"
"E é verdade, se cortasses esse cabelo e tirasses esses piercings ate parecias outra."
"Mas eu não quero parecer outra. E tu já devias ter percebido isso há muitos anos."
"Também não deves cortar o cabelo para poupar dinheiro..."
"Ai enquanto eu  tiver que andar a beber agua da fonte e a levar o pão da cantina para casa para ter o que comer e a poupar, e tu a beber compal a torto e a direito e a comer bolos quando bem te apetece, podes ter a certeza que não o corto. Adoro é quando me dizem que não há dinheiro para eu fazer erasmus e etc. Pois não, não há. Porque é mais importante pagar a carta de mota e comprar uma mota e o raio ao menino,  ou por umas persianas novas quando a casa já tem, que ajudar a filha numa coisa que ela quer fazer.
Apoiar a filha nas decisões dela, não, deita-la abaixo em tudo o que ela faz, sim. Acho que sim, que é assim que se educam os filhos. Quando vos disse que ia começar a limpar casas em Coimbra para fazer dinheiro, chamaram-me de parva e disseram-me para me deixar de aventuras, em vez de me dizerem que fazia muito bem em arranjar um part-time. Está certo. É assim nesta casa. Fica lá feliz com o candeeiros novos que compras-te."


Enfim, algo me diz que a minha independência já esteve mais longe de acontecer. Que para o ano que vem e o próximo não haverá universidade para mim, uma vez que vou ter de juntar dinheiro para a terminar. Quem sabe quando acabarei o curso. Isto tudo também só me diz que "Adeus Portugal" é mais certo do que o destino.

E nunca, mas mesmo nunca me arrependerei de ter ido passar o verão à Irlanda. As pessoas que lá conheci e o que lá aprendi compensam por todo o dinheiro que possa ter perdido.

Maravilhosa

Às vezes, quando faz frio, penso em ser como tu.
Feliz. Graciosa. Solitária.

Às vezes, quando chove, desejo ser tu.
Livre. Misteriosa. Implacável.

Às vezes, quando faz sol, és tu.

Sibilancia

*sussurrando*
"ficas bem de óculos". Beija no canto atrás da orelha.
"ficas sexy sem óculos". Tira-lhe os óculos e olha nos olhos.
"arrepias-me com esse olhar". Beija no alto da bochecha.
"os teus lábios são perfeitos". Beija nos cantos da boca. Desliza-os..
"o teu cabelo é seda". Entrelaça os dedos pela sua nuca acima. Rouba-lhe um beijo.
"o teu pescoço cheira a sol". Beija na clavícula. Beija na base do pescoço.
"os teus ombros são suaves". Pousa as mãos neles. Desvia a camisola.
"o teu peito é firme". Desliza as mãos por ele. Coloca as mãos na sua anca, e aproxima.
"as tuas mãos são quentes". Sobe-as. Tremores. Beija.
"sabes a nuvens". Está no céu.
"és  radiante". Juntam-se.
"estás quente". Beija no pescoço. Toma-lhe a cintura.
"estou quente". Suspira. Tem as mãos irrequietas.
"tenho calor". Tira-lha.
"despe-me". Desnudam-se. Leva.
"és tão suave". Voam.
"enlouqueces-me". Agitam-se.
"quero-te". Tocam-se.
"em mim". Ligam-se.
*gemidos*
"perfeição". Vai. Sorri.
"quem fica no topo manda". Ela balança. Ela balança.
"como?" Ela balança. Ela balança.
"sim". Ela balança. Ela salta.
"ah?". Eles excedem-se.
"sim?". Eles brincam. Sorriem.
"desejo-te". Suspira.
*brancura*

A viagem

Like for the last month, every Monday I go to the psychologist.
This Monday she asked me to go again today. And so I went to the psychologist today, and I had a 30min appointment, that ended up becoming 3h. It was almost the full afternoon just talking, and for the two times I said the times was over, and the time the secretary came to say the next appointment was there, she said that I didn't need to go, and so we talked and talked and talked.
I really like to talk with her, because I don't need to think on her judgement or if someone will say something. I can be myself, say what I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, and today it really made me feel very good, because I said what was going on my mind, and she showed me other side, the side were I'm a very good person, responsible, mature, correct, independent, adventurous, and most of all, capable of doing, fighting and pursuing, and that I should not be bothered by others that think it other way, because they don't know my true self, because I'm not a person that needs attention or needs to let all the world know about it all.
At the end she was very nice to me, giving me her e-mail and telling me to write her whenever I want, about whatever I want, and that trough a school year she only comes to really love 2 or 3 students, that she really would liked to keep in contact with, and that she felt very pleased to meet me, because I'm an extraordinary person.
That obviously made me feel good, although I don't think I'm that extraordinary, she is not the first person to say that to me, and maybe, just maybe, they can be a little bit right, I'm not the general type of person.
Overall, I'm dealing better with my feelings :)

Knighter = knight (masc.) + rider (fem.)

"I remembered today that you actually are brave cause you fight fire, which is essentially a dragon. So i think that makes you the knight, and me the princess."

• 

  11/12, 10:34in the evenin'

  Ciaran Buckley

  A knight isnt a knight unless he has a princess to fight for.
• 

  11/12, 10:41in the evenin'

  Vish Maria

  you are braver than you look
• 

  11/12, 10:56in the evenin'

  Ciaran Buckley

  So are you.
• 

  11/12, 10:56in the evenin'

  Vish Maria

  lol

  na
• 

  11/12, 10:58in the evenin'

  Ciaran Buckley

  Bravery comes in many forms, its not all about slaying dragons, you are brave you maybe just havent realised it yet.
• 

  11/12, 11:03in the evenin'

  Vish Maria

  lol

  i never slew a dragon
• 

  11/12, 11:04in the evenin'

  Ciaran Buckley

  I meant to say it not all about slaying dragons, and you havent slew any dragons yet.
• 

  11/12, 11:11in the evenin'

  Vish Maria

  lol

  than why am i brave?
• 

  11/12, 11:17in the evenin'

  Ciaran Buckley

  Cause you have to deal with a lot, you have college and tests, a weird annoying house mate and you had those medical test you had to do. And you still look after yourself and nadia and her dog and make time to chat with me. You have had a lot happen to recently and its not easy but you deal with it and that takes bravery.
• 

  11/12, 11:18in the evenin'

  Ciaran Buckley

  You are brave and dont ever let anybody else tell you different.
• 

  11/12, 11:42in the evenin'

  Vish Maria

  im not dealing with anything that other people dont have to deal with too
• 

  11/13, 12:20in the mornin'

  Ciaran Buckley

  Like i said dont let anyone say your not brave that includes you.

  but your not just brave

  Your sweet

  caring

  funny

  sexy

  intelligent

  beautiful
• 

  11/13, 11:15in the evenin'

  Ciaran Buckley

  And kisses to you mi lady.

  I remembered today that you actually are brave cause you fight fire, which is essentially a dragon. So i think that makes you the knight, and me the princess.