Tattoed by Kat Von D

A fucking ton of things to say!
So, once more, I'm home alone, for another boring weekend!
Its a rip-of-trees wind storm outside.
My downstairs university neighbors are having a party, playing drum'n'bass out load.
My upstairs boring old neighbors have there christmas decoration lights down the building, to the ground, knocking on my window.
I've been out all afternoon, with this rain and wind, walking all the way back home.
Wondering what was I doing out with that weather?
Well, I got a tattoo!
Yeah, still don't believe it!
I went to the store, to check when would they be free, and:
Ulli: - Yeah, 30 min from now, you can get it!
I: What? 30 min? Really?
Ulli: Ja, our client canceled because of the storm, so you can come. :)
I: 30 min? Okay, I'll be coming back in 30 min. Danke je!
Ulli: See you then!
So, you can guess how that went!
And, the tattoo artist is called Kat, like Kat Von D from LA Ink, but this one is Kat Von D-eutschland from http://www.die-froehlichen-stecher.de/
She is very sympathetic, very pretty, and we talked about planing a sleeve.
Did getting tattooed hurt? Hell yeah. Nothing like a piercing. Nothing like a cat scratching you. Worst. (Am I ever gonna regret this?)
Did it worth it? Hell yeah. I've got a tattoo. I'm now officialy on the tattoo group of people! lol

My party downstair neighbors just knocked on the door, asking if the decoration christmas laying down lights were from my house, and I kinda told them to come inside and add me on facebook, so I made some new friends, I hope!

Plans for tomorrow?
A piercing? Oh, I forgot my needles back home. ;)

PS: I got a heisse skocolade on Ulmer coffee, and when I got inside, it was playing a portuguese music in the radio! Dança Kuduro -> Wierd!
Meaningless shit full of meaning!

Places to go:

We all have places to go.

My list is infinite.

Why do people like to travel?

Why do I feel like I have to know all those places?

Make it Dreamy!

Dear Santa

It's about time for I to write you...
This year, I didn't asked for nothing, but was asked instead.
Don't you see me anymore? Do you have to ask what I want? Don't you know what I want?
Well, this year I'm not asking for a new cellphone or some fancy clothes.
This year I'm asking for dreams.
And I think my new years wish I'll be that.

Dirty Paint Brush Sky - Time speed change

"Make sure you dont blink 'cause you might miss this"

Veg redfish

You know that delicious redfish that your mother cooks in the oven?
Well, you can turn it into a veg recipe.
Forget the redfish, leave the sauce and the potatoes, put some eggplant, zucchini, peppers, tomatoes, let it bake in the oven, and its done!

Sphagetti with broccoli

New favorite food!

Put water boiling.
Put the pasta.
Put the broccoli.
Dry it out.
Eat it up! :D
(Salt and other spice at flavour)

Morning snack!

Dark bread tosted, vegetable butter with gherkins!

Flip a coin...

I just fuck things up...
And I get very upset about it, 'cause my intentions were good...

Sleepy kittens

Three little kittens with fur all brushed, said, “We can’t sleep. We feel too rushed!”
Their mother replied with a voice like silk, “Fine, but at least you should drink your milk.”
Three little kittens with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn.
“We can’t sleep. We can’t even try!” Then their mother sang a lullaby.
“Good night, kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise.
Though while you sleep, we are apart… your mommy loves you with all her heart.”



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v09DGSoiH6M

Stupidity

Eu ia em frente, mas atravessei a estrada só porque um gajo super hot estava a caminhar nela. (?)

Falando em super hot, tenho saudades do João F1! (sonhos...)

Epiteliofagomania

Desejo incontrolável de roer, cortar ou mesmo morder e ingerir os pedaços de pele provenienets do acto.

Porque não encontro mais info?

If the lyrics went like this:

"I live in a cemetery
Not to irritate
But to imitate"

Veg

Two month experiencing veggie/vegan life style.
Being vegetarian so far has been good. I've lost 5kg, and I need to lose 5 more, but the ideal would be 10 more.
I have been feeling physicaly good, but that's also because I drink 1.2L of water per day, starting with one on an empty stomach.
The vegan part, not so much. People are very selective. If they feel like being vegan, they do, if they don't, than they are just veggies. Its like, by cotton clothes because its vegan, but make woolen coat, because its cute... Don't really get it... Like having vegetable butter, but using avocado instead, just to say they're vegan...
The worths are the cravings... Quiet smokming, quiet drinking and being away from what you love while starting a vegetarian diet its not a very good or pleasent idea, and the mood floats, and eating chocolat like if it was a crime...

Just don't put me on the "What to do" box!

So... My Au-pair family just came back from their weekend in Rome.
And something its not right.
I didn't wanted to talk about it before, but now I feel like doing it.

First of all, since when do Au-pair families are supposed to leave the au-pair alone for half a week?
And since I'm supposedly the one that takes care of the kids, why do I stay home when I'm most need?
And why am I even here? They don't need me. I just go get the kids off the kindergarten, and Kaisa could easyly do that.

Second of all, I don't really love kids, they are cute and adorable, and they makes us laugh, and I like Rio and Flor and Lumi, but, truth is, that on a long term relationship, they just don't give a crap about you. They just don't.

Thirdly, I just clean.
I'm not their household lady/slave! But that seems that is all that I do.
I put the table, I clear the table, I put the dishes in the machine, I wash the rest of the pans, I clean the stove, the microwave, and the full bench and floor of the kitchen every fucking single meal! I spend like 6h of my day in the kitchen! Every fucking day! The day has 24h, I sleep for 8h, 6h in the kitchen, 2h for laundry, 2h to pick the kids, 2h in the playground park! I'm not really living, I'm wasthing my time and live!
And Kaisa even puts problems in what I do!
I should not use detergent because its non-sticky pans, so I use the sponge to remove bits of food, but than it scratchs the pans, so I use hot water to take the grease off, but than thats not ecological!
And than I have to do the laundry, put clothes in the washing machine, take them, put them to dry, pick them, fold them and put them in the wardrobes.
And she even ignores when all the machines are beeping saying "I'm done, take whatever its inside me!", like for today, I went out, with all the garbage and recycling bags with me, and the washing machine was beeping that was finished, and I was out like 40-50mins and when I came back, it was still beeping!
And what was she doing so important that she could not pick the clothes? A beading necklace! Yeah, right!So I had to do it myself, and she went to take a nap...
Than when I was going for the living room to do so, the floor was full of croissant crumbs... Like crumbs everywhere, even in the chairs...
Guess who had to broom it all? And do the laundry next? ...
Now its 3h00pm, they are all taking a nap, and here I am, doing nothing...
I might take a nap too, just to see what happens!

Fourthly, they were supposed to give me a bus-pass, and pay for some german learning class. Nothing of that happens. The pass I don't really care, but the german learning...


And fifthly, they don't even like me. Kaisa just asked how was the weather in here. All they talk about with me, is the weather... Not that I don't like to talk about the weather. Oh, and they say things like "Rio and Flor are with fever", what am I supposed to say? "What a pity?", "Do you want me to take them to the doctor?" or "Should I make them a cup of tea?", No. And "Did you knew that the biggest pumpkin in the world weighs nearly a ton?" -> No.

So that was me complaining, but not giving up.
I'll find a way! Even if I have to ignore all the beeping and crying around me...

Cúlinaria

Estou realmente a sentir uma crise culinária dentro de mim...
Penso sériamente como irei sobreviver!

Tutu!

I'm so craftastic!
Flor's Christmas present it's finished!
2h and the tutu is done!
So pretty!
I think I might do one for me!

Great shopping day!

Tub'n'scrub (Treffina) octupus! :D
You know when you don't need this thing, but it is octupus shapped?
You've got to get it!
And when you don't need a 2012 calender, but it is 1m Victoria Frances ilustrated? You've got to get it!
And you don't really need a gum box, but is Capt'n Sharky?
You've got to get it!
And you don't even understand german, but it's 50 set of Black Stories, like murder, crime, scary, suspense, real facts based stories?
You've got to get it!
And you don't need a new necklace, but it has a combat vinyl boot?
You've got to get it!
And you don't need a no dog poop sign, but it's so hilarious?
You've got to get it!
And you don't need glowing in the dark stickers, but they Glow, In The Dark!
You've got to get it!
And you don't need more tea bags, but they come on a metal box with a hippie VW Van?
You've got to get it!
And when you don't need another shower gel, since you've just bought Tub'n'Scrub octupus, but it's Lacoste Pour Femme, and it smells so good and it is 30% off?
You've got to get it!
And when you don't need fabric, but it is halloween pattern teamed!
You've got to get it!
And you have 20 new unread books to read at home, but you by another one?

That is the story of one day shopping in Friedrichshafen!

I went out, round about 11am, to the city center, to buy some tulle and get a tattoo.
That turned out to be a great day!

When I was on my way to the city center, by foot, I heared some church bells ring, very loud, and I saw the big church that is near the lake, so I turned for its direction.
Looked around, and back to my journey to the tattoo shop.
Near the shop, I saw a pretty young modified woman, at the door sweeping the autumn leaves, and it kinda when like that:
Me: Halo!
She: Halo!
Me: Do you speak english?
She: Ein wening!
Me: Are you from the tattoo & piercing shop?
She: Yes!
Me: I want to get a tattoo!
She: Okay! Do you have a scketch?
Me: No! I just want to tattoo a small B on my arm.
She: How big?
Me: 2cm?
She: Okay! Nice!
Me: It's my first tattoo, so I want to go small.
She: That's fine. When do you want to do it?
Me: Now?
She: Hmm, today we are full, tomorrow we are closed, Monday I'm at a concert, Thursday it's probably full, maybe Wednesday?
Me: I'll have to check when I'm free.
She: Yes yes! Maybe it's better if you get our phone number, and ring when you're free, and we will book it!
Me: Yes, that's probably the best! Do you have another store? Because I saw another tattoo shop near where I live, maybe its yours? I don't know...
She: Hmm, what was the name? We only have this one, but theres at least that I know, one more tattoo shop in the city.
Me: Okay. I think I add your shop on facebook, by the name, I think it was yours.
She: Yes! So, let me just get you our card!
Me: Okay.
And she went inside, I went after her, it was a very nice shop, and all of a sudden I ear an "Halo" coming from satan knows where, and there was a man that I had not noticed weaving at me! I looked to stupid!
Well, she gave me the card, I said Xaus (goodbye in german), and that was all.
I was about to come back again, to ask if she knew a fabric store, when one pumped at my side!
So I entered and asked for tulle, to make my Christmas gift for Flor, a handmade Tutu skirt! (How awesome am I?) And there was some halloween pattern fabric really cheap, so I had to buy it!
I got out, and went for the Toys Store - Schinacher, to buy Christmas gifts, and the Modified Woman was just getting out of the pharmacie and smiled and waved at me. It felt so good! The feeling of "knowing" someone!
So in the toys store I bought an Abalone game for Rio, a travelers mini Abalone game for my brother, a 3000 pieces puzzle and puzzle conserver glue for my father, a 50 Black Stories Box, Capt'n Sharky gum box and Tub'n'Scrub Triffane Lavender Octupus shaped Shower Gel for me, and a Fisher Price Yellow Duck in a Transperant ball with water bath toy for Lumi.
After that, I thought of checking the book store, but in the meanwhile, through the street, I saw some nice gloves, and a nice necklace, and cheap Lacoste shower gel, and some other book store where I bought my mother a calender, and myself a Victoria Frances calender, an Emily The Strange note book and a Tea metal box with an Hippie Van on it!
And I was thristy, and I've been drinking water since I've got here, so I bought a Coca-Cola!
And finally at the main book store I bought a book for me, a sudoku mouse-pad for my father, a no-dog-poop-sign for dRi and some glowing in the dark sticker for the kids.
And I was headed home, through the promenaden, when I saw a man juggling.
I had to sneak peek him a little, and than he saw me and I asked him some questions and we had a little chat and I gave him money for his work and said goodbye.
When I was finally thinking it was going to be dark soon, and I should get home, I heard some brasilian girls talking! And I said "Uau! Pessoas a falar brasileiro! É bom perceber o que as pessoas dizem outra vez!", and they came to talk to me, and asked me if I wanted to go to Konstanz with them tomorrow! So, I think I made some friends today!
Now, I still have to make Kaisa and Vasco's present, which I think it is going to be a cool video with photos and footage of their kids, or the best photo I've took of every kid on a costum picture frame.

So now I'm home! I haven't eaten anything today, but the Coca-cola, and I don't feel hungry, but I know I have to eat something, but that demands cooking, and that means eating shit... So... I don't really know what to eat...


And thats how to spend 215,91€ in a few hours...

Those point of view

It kinda goes in some wierd directions...
So, for some, I should not have come, because they would miss me, but Im very brave to do so.
For others, its idiotic not going straight to university.
And, for someone, its that Im weak and I came in the shadow of someone else.
For this person, I will never be someone... And... Why should he/she/I care about it?
Sometimes I wonder when will I open my eyes to the world, 'cause it seems like I've never did it at all...

Dark of the Stars - Atheist's Lullaby

I

The thing I miss the most.

Pfander - Austria

Today I went to Österreich! :P

Ulm

Sou.

Do you know the story about the white witch?
Well, this one is about the white wall.
Hello friend...
... Let me tell you a story,
About a white wall...

Zurich

Munchen

Thats right. I went to Munich, but thats a story to tell later on.

Crepes

You will need:

• 1 crepes pan/nonstick skillet
• 1 ½ cups self-rising flour
• 1 tbsp sugar
• 2 cups milk microwaved on high for 1 minute
• 2 tbsp butter
• ½ tsp vanilla (optional)
• 1 tsp cocoa (optional)
  
• 2 eggs

Mix the solid ingredients in a bowl.
Mix the hot milk and butter on another bowl, for the butter to disolve.
Mix eveything together, add the 2 eggs and mix.
Put the crepes pan on the stove for heat.
Put a bit of the mix on the crepes pan, and voila! Ready to eat!!!
Reapeat untill the mix ends, or you do a reload!

Making a 5 minute chocolate cake on microwave!

You will need:

• 1 mug
• 4 tablespoons flour
  
• 4 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons cocoa
• 2 eggs
  
• 3 tablespoons milk
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 3 tablespoons chocolate chips
• splash vanilla or other flavoring - try peppermint or cinnamon

Mix the dry ingredients on a bowl.
For a fluffier texture beat the eggs white's separetely.
Add the liquid ingredients and mix, including the egss yolk's.
Add the eggs white's and mix.
Add the chocolate chips and mix.
Put it on a mug.
Put the mug on the microwave on máx. (1000W) for 2:30 min.

Ta-da! Your cake is done! Enjoy!

As you are baking cakes more often, adjust the ingredients to your taste, but don't forget, there are essential ones with wich you shoudn't mess around!

Take a walk

I just got back from a 2 hours lost on a labyrinth cemetery with I don't know how much km, where the only people I saw were old ladies crying and 3 old man digging on a grave. Ravens where chirping above my head, and the church bells started to ring. Couldn't get more creepy ah? But it did! A baby just started to scream!

Project: Castle

I am now building a cardboard castle for the kids :)

You know when you admire something/someone so much that not even your beloved one can be compared to that?
Well, 4.Intro-EverAgain is like that!

Vrumm

I no longer think of you every single moment...
Is it bad? Is it good? In what do I think than?

10th day

Ten days after, I start to think on bad things.
I'm not going to mention in what have I've been thinking, nor answer if you question.
I'm just going to close my eyes, and try to sleep earing: 4.Intro - EverAgain.

9th day - Meersburg

Sunday we went to a medieval fair in Meersburg, and it was very pleasant, many people were dressed up, and almost all the items for sale where from that period. Meersburg has a castle!

8th day - Konstanz

Saturday we went to Konstanz, a city on an island in the lake Bodensee, that is half German half Swiss.
We took the bus to Uberlingen, then, there the bus went on a boat, to drive us to the other side of the lake.
There we went on an Al Natura store, where everything sold there was bio.

7th day

Friday I went alone to catch Flor on her kindergarden, but it was too soon when I got there, so I decided to explore a forest that was near by. Later I found that the florest is in the middle of the city, and people use it has a shortcut.
And something strange happen in the bus, a chinese man, smelling like tabacco talked to me...

List of think to concider when having a child:

1 - Be rich, but vey rich!
2 - Live in an house where many cultures cohabitat.
3 - Let your children cry untill they fall asleep.
4 - Never drink/smoke while breast feeding.
5 - If they ask for something material, never give it.
6 - If you want to be an happy parent, have just one kid.
7 - If you want to die when you're 50, have 3 or 4.
8 - Be ready for night without sleeping.
9 - Be ready for lots of headaches.
10 - You will only have sex again when your kid(s) is(are) living out of your place.
11 - Put them on an Holistic/Waldorf kindergarden.
12 - Never let them see tv.
13 - Only cultural and knowledgeable thinks are alowed.
14 - Recycle.
15 - Having the double of bedroom of the number of your kids.
16 - Use washable diapears.
17 - Have as many pets as possible.
18 - Having tons of toys, or none.
19 - Never lie.
20 - Plastic everything/non-breakable things.
21 - Never again having a restful day.
22 -
21 -

6th day

Today I had the morning free to myself. What did I do?
Stupidly, instead of going out and enjoy the sunny day, I stayed home cleaning and arranging things, because I know nothing around here... If I knew, I would've went out for a walk, take some pictures, see the views... Oh well...
Lunch: Lentilhas!
Played lego. Played Mummi house. Played in the splietplatz.
Dinner: Macarroni!
Tomorrow is another day!

Diät

Ui ui, mas que rica dieta eu estou a fazer!!!
Pasta al pesto!
Macarroni!
Risotto!
Chili com carne sem carne!
Sopa de legumes!
Sphagetti!
Lentilhas!
Salmon!
Vesi!
Conclusão, não sei até que ponto isto é mesmo uma dieta... ihih

5th day

Today I stayed at home with Lumi, watched teletubbies and she fell asleep, after crying a lot. In the evening Rio, Flor and I went to the splietplatz. :)
Iada iada... Learned some new words in finnish.
Bio Vegan food!

Do you hear it?

O Rui Veloso dizia "não se ama alguém que não ouve a mesma canção"

When the silence beckons,
And the day draws to a close,
When the light of your life sighs,
And love dies in your eyes,
Only then will I realise,
What you mean to me.

F1

Porque sonho tanto com o João F.?
O João anda, o João corre!

4rd day - Uberlingen

Halo!
Today Kaisa suggested for us to go to Uberlingen to let us know the city.
We took the bus, 1 hour long, and when we've got there, we've had lunch on a seafront terrace, under a huge tree, with view for the other side of the lake. Really nice!
Finished the lunch, we had a walk on a promenaden by the sea, played in a splietplatz, came again to the platz to have a eis and went home.
Oh, by the way, wondering why did we went out on a weekly day?
Because in Germany the 3rd October is the German Unity Day holiday!

3rd day - Ravensburg

Today we went for a walk on Ravensburg. Should I put some photos up?
It was a very funny day. We had lunch at a medieval restaurant, walked trought the city centre, saw some old historic towers, played in the spieltplatz, where I've taken some super cute photos of Flor.
Oh, I forgot to tell, I ear ravens chriping all the time, how awesome? :D

2nd Day - Friedrichshafen

As for today, in the morgen I, Rio and Flor went to the park, to play with the vesi, build mud castles.
We had salmon with patatoes in the oven for lunch, all bio food, and then Kaisa suggested for us all to go for a walk in the city center, near by the lake Konstanz, on a Promenaden.
We stopped at an itallian eis-kaffee to eat an ice-cream, and bought a bedspreak for my bed on Hake shop.
While we walked, between the portuguese-finish-english-german talking that Kaisa and Vasco were having, I was able to pick up that they were talking about going to places like Rotterdam, Moscow, Vienna and Rome, all before christmas...
Then we went home for dinner to eat a very tasty vegan-bio soup (I know that i've metioned the vegan bio food before, and I'll mention it again and again, over and over, untill I'm fully into it.)
After dinner we watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and before bed I and Rio set up a lego castle.

1st day

So, its the end of day one in Friedrichshafen as an Au-pair.
What went good, and what went wrong?
Well, the entire family is very friendly to me.
They have been explaining thing about the city, about the childrens kindergarten, and etc.
Played in the park, ate vegan bio food, didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't done nothing wrong (till now...)
And lets see what happens tomorrow. :)

And another chapter of my life begins.

Next Thursday (29th September 2011) I'm moving to Germany, more exactly to Friedrichshafen.
It is going to be a small trip, with a big meaning! (that will take me to drive my car, to take a bus, to go on the metropolitan, to catche my flight to change mylife)
Gonna try to do this and amazing experiment. A life changing experiment!
All my luggage is done, my suitcase its bursting at the seams! I still don't know how I've managed to put it all in!
I'm moving to the house of the family Duarte, where Vasco is the father, Kaisa is the mother, and they have three little children, Rio of 6 year old, Flor of 3, and Lumi of 9 months.
I still don't know what to expect, althought I've made up my mind about almost every little thing!
I'm gonna be a vegan, non-smoker, non-driker healty woman, gonna recycle, gonna do thing right and in the proper way!
More news soon! ;)

Currently looking for my redhead...

Kwantta - Anormal Sensorial

Afinal sabes sim
O teu castigo é ser
Lado normal de mim
Afinal sabes sim
Finges sem saber
O que sinto no fim
Estúpido é sofrer

Deixei o ego à espera
Tanto, até doeu
Sucumbi na guerra
Afinal o medo era meu

Pedes mais um pouco
Do nada que tenho a dar
Porque só o lamentar
Não me deixa avançar

Alguém já ouviu
O grito, a dor, o pranto
Alguém já sentiu
O frio, tornar-se canto
Ninguém vai vingar
o que restar de ti
Castiga o teu corpo
Com o pior de mim
E ouço, o que vejo,
Sem sentir, a que sabe
Esse beijo
Dado sem vontade

Fétido e louco
Que importa tão pouco
Chama me porco
Vejo me noutro
E um outro eu
Me salve de mim
Assim eu me safe
Do fim, em ti

Quem ousou acordar
O teu lado negro?
Raiva escura brota
Da fonte sem medo

My Dying Bride - My Wine In Silence

Where are you now my love?
My sweet one.
Where have you gone oh my love?
I'm so alone.

I only think of you.
And it drives me down.
I only dream of you.

Come here
My lover
I'll keep you
I will change you
Come here
My slave
You will live
Forever
Screaming
Crying
My lover
With you
I'm gone
At last

I'll come to you. Take my hand.
Hold me again. Please take my hand

Who are you?!
What were you?!
My beauty
I can't tell
How I feel
How I felt
You have paid
For your
un-kind-ness
With You
I'm done
At last

Please hold me now my love.
Where are you now, oh my sweet love.

Wondering...

Quando no trono, calculo se...

Mas ninguem vive de se's... E eu digo que vou mudar... Mas as pessoas não mudam... Revelam-se...

It breaks my heart

Coração de gelo, que racha quando chega a casa e vê a mãe sozinha, a um canto, na garagem a chorar...
Não sei porquê...

Cronofobia

Não é que tenha medo do tempo, mas há algo na sua passagem que me inquieta.
Custa-me ver o numero de cabelos brancos a aumentar na careca cada vez maior do meu pai. Ver o bigode a ficar como que sujo de leite.
Custa-me ver as rugas que crescem dos cantos dos olhos da minha mãe, e a decrescente vontade de ser.
Doi...
E ultimamente tudo tem sido dor...

Tu dormes com ela, e eu sonho contigo.

Numa visita de estudo á Igreja de Sto. António, duas filas atrás de mim, uma Srª diz:
- Desculpe, mas a sua marcação tem de ficar para mais tarde porque hoje temos cá uma escola.
Eu viro-me para trás... E para minha surpresa, lá estavas tu. Tu e ela, os noivos, prontos para mais uma das aulas de preparação para o matrimónio. O Matrimónio...
Vi os teus cintilantes e profundos olhos azuis postos no meus...
Não sei se derreti ou se enregelei. Era dor a mais ver-te novamente. Depois destes anos ainda sentir tanto.
É impossivel não te sentir, não te reviver. É impossivel não chorar com o teu sorriso.
Fixaste-me. Inquiriste-te. Levantaste-te
Discretamente disseste-lhe que ias sair. Espalhafatosamente corri atrás.
Encontramo-nos na entrada da igreja, como se fossemos nós os recem casados...
Sorriste por ver que eu estava bem. Entristeci por saber que sorrias por isso.
Não falavas. Vi-te no semblante que não querias falar, apenas querias apaixonadamente observsar-me.
Eu também não queria falar. Não queria ouvir. Não queria ver. Queria sentir-te. Sentir-te presente. Sentir-te apenas.
Mas eu tinha de falar.
Vomitei um turbilhão de perguntas e exclamações, cheguei a dizer-te:
- Eu pensei que tinhas morrido com o Iphone ligado a tomáda!
Que estupidez...
Em vez de aproveitar o momento para te apreciar, fui tornar-me no motivo porque me deixas-te.
Conversamos durante o que me parecerem uns eternos e miseros segundos...
O teu telefone toca... Era a nossa música... A nossa música?
E era ela a telefonar-te, vi-te na cara. Ficas-te sobressaltdo por eu reparar nisso. Mais, ficas-te incomodado por eu reparar na nossa música.
"- Sim..."

As pessoas crescem, e desaparecem...

Doi...
Doi saber que as pessoas por quem já nutri os maiores sentimentos da minha vida, crescem, e desaparecem...
Doi...
Doi mas é a lei natural da vida, crescer, e desaparecer, seja de que maneira for.
Compreendo que não são só eles que desaparecem a mim, eu também desapareço a eles...
É triste... E doi... Doi muito... E vai continuar a doer para sempre...
Um amor incompreendido, e inalcançável...

No presente, como eles estão:

Os Romances Inesplicaveis de Helena
As suas trapalhadas amorasas.

Parece que depois de mim, todos ficam melhor do que estavam...
Os que não me ultrapassam, ficam presos...
Serei eu o erro da vida deles?

Orgulho na martir

Às vezes pergunto-me se os meus pais terão orgulho em mim...

Sempre em maus espaços.

Mas que raio, será que não vejo? Andorinha...

When super normal, extra strange, things happen...

Eu: Que fazes na tropa?
Ele: Perco tempo. Aquilo é inutil.
Eu: Que fazes na tropa?
Ele: Perco tempo.
Eu: .
Ele: Não quero falar disso. Quero falar de coisas do mundo real.
Eu: Queres falar do mundo real? Mas isso agora é o teu mundo real. É a tua realidade. E caso não tenhas reparado, estou interessada nela. Se te fiz a mesma pergunta duas vezes, é porque me interessa, é porque me interesso por ti, mas tu queres falar sobre o mundo real, então vamos falar do mundo real.
No mundo real milhões de pessoas morrem todos os dias, milhares desaparecem enquanto essas morrem, no mundo real há injustiça, há crise, há fome, há morte, há guerra, e é por este mundo real existir que tu estás ai, na tropa, porque a guerra existe.
Happy now? Hope so, cause Im not.
Im fuckin tired of this stupid conversations that we have. It means nothing to me okay?
Ele: Okay.
O que faço aqui? Sou todos os dias insultado, e de forma inculta.
Eu: E foi preciso eu arreliar-me para me responderes?
Ele: lol sim, porque ficas mais sexy.

Mudar

Acho que está na altura de mudar. Mudar de atitude. Mudar os meus contactos, a minha residência, a minha maneira de pensar e de agir.
Simplesmente mudar.
E com isso deixar o passado morrer, porque ninguem vive do passado...
Chega de reviver, chega de me culpar, chega de problematizar, chega, chega, chega.
Ai...

Ri-te, ri-te, mais tarde vais chorar...

What the hell am i doing?

Incontinencia

Gostava de me sentir letargica. E durante muito tempo foi o que pensei de mim. Mas agora descubro que me engano, redondamento.
Há uma inconsistencia, inconstancia de sentimentos a brotar dentro de mim, que fervilham e borbulham dentro das minhas veias, e arrefecem, sem nunca se dar por isso.
Infeliz ou felizmente aprendi que devemos exteriorizar, arriscar, confiar e partilhar, e por isso tenho-me dado, tenho-me purificado, tenho-me revelado, tenho-me entregado. Sei que não tenho arriscado o suficiente. Sei que não. Mas tenho arriscado mais do que nunca.
E é assim os stresses da vida, que não stressam a ninguem.

Raiva.
Odio.
Repulsa.
Agonia.

Expectativas...

Não me sinto feliz.

Na verdade sinto-me triste...

Travelling

Trabalhar ou viajar?
E que tal viajar em trabalho?
Ou trabalhar em viagem?
Era bom :)

Atenas?
Dublin?
Noruega?
Monaco?
Alemanha?
Roménia?
Turquia?



"As pessoas crescem, e desaparcem..."

Coincidências

São sinais?
Será destino?
É mistico?

E amor? É real?
Porque eu não quero, não outra vez...
E a esta hora sabia bem...

Sinais... Sinais...

O surrealismo da coisa

Enquanto me preocupo com a possibilidade de estar grávida, apos encontrar o FB do desaparecido Chaos, e enquanto calculo quanto arroz terá o Meuro comido durante a ultima semana, relembro o quão longe o Aeternia está, envio uma mensagem ao Nevermore, a perguntar como está o filho, e descubro que o Pirata moved on... How awesome could it be?

Its cold... *chills*

As desaventuras amorosas da Helena.

Chaos...

Dá para acreditar?
:'

Dor ou revolta?

Why?

Circle.

Os Romances Inesplicaveis de Helena
As suas trapalhadas amorasas.

Next chapter?

Estágio

Xana: Então Helena estás a gostar de cá estar?
Helena: Estou sim :)
Xana: Ainda bem!
Helena (saltando do sofá e começando a correr): Ainda teem o Maio?
Xana: Sim, lol, deve andar por ai.
Helena encontra um monte de pelos no chão, e atrás de um sofá está um gato, cadavérico...
Helena olha em redor, e vê dois gatos no pátio a brincar, e manda um grito!
Helena: Têm sphynx?
Xana: O quê?
Helena: Os Gatos! (enquanto corre para o pátio, e agarra um dos gatos!)
Xana: O que é isso?
Helena: É um especie de gatos, sem pelo, mas estes ainda tem uma leve penugem, são Devon Rex. *drools* Tão fofos! *.* Onde os arranjaram?
Xana: Há, ganhamos num concurso de televisão!
Helena: o.O

Oh... How it hurts to think about Luís...
After all those year, it still hurts...

Que tens feito?

E mais merdas...

Viver...

Ignorancia... Sabedoria... Trabalho... Empenho... Genialidade... Acção... Assertividade... Competitividade... Manipulação... Desistencia...
A falha...
O erro...
O fatalismo.

Conjecturando

"A cada traço, um risco mais perto da primazia, um risco mais perto da fatalidade."
Uma obra prima. - Arte.

Hunting Ghosts

Aquilo que não é resolvido, fica para sempre... O reflexo da experiência...

Tira essa ideia da cabeça.

Survivre.

Être vivre et vivre, n'est pas la même chose.

Fiz merda da grossa.

Arrependimento.

Destrunfando.

Mentindo.
Matando a verdade.
Mentindo.
Matando a realidade.
Mentindo.
Morrendo...

Missing Truly Hearted People

"Quando achamos que as coisas correm mal, que isto tudo não anda bem ou outro sentimento que nos deixa tristes deviamos lembrar-nos que nós próprios alimentamos isso, sempre que desvalorizamos tudo o que temos consolidado e deviamos preservar em vez de procurar tudo novo ... esquecendo o resto e o que isso nos deu e nos fez feliz..."

Tiro nos cornos.

Às vezes, ao fim do dia, sento-me de pernas cruzadas, encostada, a reflectir, e na passividade do momento, juro que dou um tiro nos cornos.
E porquê?
Olha porque sim.
Porque sou bue fixe, mas não sou fixe o suficiente para me darem 15 minutos.
Porque sou bue esperta, mas não sou esperta o suficiente para me darem um 20.
Porque sou bue solidária, mas não sou solidária o suficiente para me darem um obrigado.
Porque sou bue bonita, mas não sou bonita o suficiente para me darem um anel.
Porque sou bue amiga, mas não sou amiga o suficiente para ser a primeira escolha.
Porque sou bue alegre, mas não sou alegre o suficiente para me não querer dar um tiro nos cornos.
Porque sou bue forte, mas não sou forte o suficiente para passar por cima destas merda.

Evanescence - Lacrymosa

Out on your own
cold and alone again
can this be what you really wanted, baby?

(Lacrymosa)
Blame it on me
(Dies illa)
set your guilt free
(Lacrymosa)
nothing can hold you back now

Now that you're gone
I feel like myself again
grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

(lacrymosa)
To let you blame it on me
(Dies illa)
and set your guilt free
(Lacrymosa)
I don't want to hold you back now love

I can't change who I am
not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me
and in this short life,
there's no time to waste on giving up
my love wasn't enough

(Lacrymosa)
And you can blame it on me
(Dies illa)
just set your guilt free, honey
(Lacrymosa)
I don't want to hold you back now love
(Amen)

Re e programando.

Se eu disser:
- Acabou-se!
Acabará?

É possivel, mas irreal.

Make it Dangerous...

Last year wish was to Make it Loud.
This year wish was to Make it Dangerous.
Sooner than I thought!

Full Of Shit.

Losing my time.

All of what is here doesn't really matters... Although I'm trying to give it a meaning...

Busy minds...

"Drawing hearts in school desks."

Brendan Perry - Utopia

I feel greater then the sum of all my parts
A domestic beast with a hairy Heart's
Trapped within a walled suburbia

I found my taste is somewhat underground
Between the shadows and the cracks
I’m building my Utopia

I need to beak free from all that binds
That makes me old before my time
In this world of Dystopia

My love is like a bright guiding light
Shining in the darkness of the night
The star of my Utopia

In the motion of the sea
in the air that we breath
Can you feel me?

In the stars and in the trees
In the song of the bees
Can you hear me?

Caged, golden memories
Time has come to show your true feelings
I know it’s the only way to be
When the same old feelings come over me

I feel greater of all the sum of all my parts
A space jockey from a distant star marooned upon Dystopia

I found my taste is somewhat underground
Between the shadows and the cracks
I’m building my Utopia

In the motion of the sea
In the air that we breath
Can you feel me?

In the stars and in the trees
In the song of the bees
Can you hear me?

Havard.

Just to mention, today, on sociology class, we talked about Havard. :) Pretty happy with it :)

The silence was too loud for me, I had to shut my mouth and scream!